Grab Bag Fridays: Yeah For The Weekend!
(1 Cent): A Humongous One (Comment)
I came to the conclusion that waiting a month for everyone’s comments might not work for me. I’m an up-to-date kind of guy and waiting four weeks to reply is just too long. So, without further ado, here’s the one comment I received:
Q: Don't worry about it HCP, I know they are having try outs for the Special Olympic Basketball Team, in which, I feel that Team USA will be more in their element. Who knows maybe you can be their waterboy...or wash their jock straps??...because you are obviously a die hard Team Loser Fan!!!! haha love your column!! -- The Sheila from Downunder!
HCP: Congratulations. You’ve accomplished to insult me, the mentally challenged, and the American basketball team in about two (run-on) sentences. Can I subscribe to your newsletter?
Ha … “die hard Team Loser Fan” … I don’t even know where to begin with that. First of all, Sheila, you say you’re from “Downunder” (and I believe it's Down Under … two words … at least it is in the good ol’ U.S. of A.) which is also known to us laymens as Australia. Now, I’m not too sure (I am) but I think I might have read somewhere that Team USA pimp slapped the Australian team up and down the court by a small margin (actually it was 113-73). I think the U.S. government is actually planning to pay some taxes this year on Australia … because we OWNED them.
Since this is true … what does that make your national team? Hmm? But, no hard feelings because you said you love my column (unless that was some sarcasm, in which case there are many, many hard feelings). Thanks for the read (sincerely)!
(2 Cent): Where Did That Come From?
I’ve been thinking of adages (or maxims or proverbs) and I just would love to know where some of these sayings came from (I know I can Google the origin, but I’d like to know NOW):
“When the cat’s away, the mice will play” … yeah, so it rhymes, but did someone actually witness this beforehand? Where did the cat go? To go and piddle? What were the mice playing? Patty-cake? Texas Hold ‘Em?
“Bitten once, twice shy” … maybe I should know this, but I guess I’m not cultured. Why are they twice shy from one bite? Were they shy once before, then had a bite taken out of them, and now are shy twice? Shouldn’t it be “once bitten, once itched” or something? Make sense, people!
“A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush” … uh …er … huh? I’m just going to leave that one alone before I start to get censored by Google.
“A closed mouth catches no flies” … why, oh why, would you want to catch flies in your mouth? Unless you’re that pharaoh from The Mummy or dead, there’s no reason to have flies in your mouth … or am I missing something joyous in life?
“A drowning man is not troubled by rain” … yeah, no crap. He’s troubled by drowning! Hey, I got one for you philosophers out there: A getting shot in the head man is not troubled by his corduroy pants.
“A friend in need is a friend indeed” … again with the rhyming that makes no sense. Why is he a friend; because he needs help? So, all those people in third world countries are my friends because they’re in need? I don’t get it.
“Curiosity killed the cat” … so, what was this cat doing and how did it die? Was he like, “Ooh, what’s this shimmering thingy?” as a haymaker careened over him? I want to know these things.
“Choose neither a woman or linen by candlelight” … I can deduce that this saying came way before neon glow sticks or electricity. Was the guy who did these two things that shocked when it happened? He was probably like, “Dang, first I purchased this dreadful orange, purple, and brown plaid bed sheet … and now I asked out this toothless hag who has a lazy eye? I’m never choosing important things by candlelight again!”
(1/2 Cent): Until Monday …
And so ends another week. I hope yours was enjoyable. For those who are starting school again, I say: It will all be worth it in the end (ha, another adage!). For those who have an extra minute or two over the weekend, send in those comments or questions to HCP2007@gmail.com. You know you want to! All your friends are doing it!
HCP
I came to the conclusion that waiting a month for everyone’s comments might not work for me. I’m an up-to-date kind of guy and waiting four weeks to reply is just too long. So, without further ado, here’s the one comment I received:
Q: Don't worry about it HCP, I know they are having try outs for the Special Olympic Basketball Team, in which, I feel that Team USA will be more in their element. Who knows maybe you can be their waterboy...or wash their jock straps??...because you are obviously a die hard Team Loser Fan!!!! haha love your column!! -- The Sheila from Downunder!
HCP: Congratulations. You’ve accomplished to insult me, the mentally challenged, and the American basketball team in about two (run-on) sentences. Can I subscribe to your newsletter?
Ha … “die hard Team Loser Fan” … I don’t even know where to begin with that. First of all, Sheila, you say you’re from “Downunder” (and I believe it's Down Under … two words … at least it is in the good ol’ U.S. of A.) which is also known to us laymens as Australia. Now, I’m not too sure (I am) but I think I might have read somewhere that Team USA pimp slapped the Australian team up and down the court by a small margin (actually it was 113-73). I think the U.S. government is actually planning to pay some taxes this year on Australia … because we OWNED them.
Since this is true … what does that make your national team? Hmm? But, no hard feelings because you said you love my column (unless that was some sarcasm, in which case there are many, many hard feelings). Thanks for the read (sincerely)!
(2 Cent): Where Did That Come From?
I’ve been thinking of adages (or maxims or proverbs) and I just would love to know where some of these sayings came from (I know I can Google the origin, but I’d like to know NOW):
“When the cat’s away, the mice will play” … yeah, so it rhymes, but did someone actually witness this beforehand? Where did the cat go? To go and piddle? What were the mice playing? Patty-cake? Texas Hold ‘Em?
“Bitten once, twice shy” … maybe I should know this, but I guess I’m not cultured. Why are they twice shy from one bite? Were they shy once before, then had a bite taken out of them, and now are shy twice? Shouldn’t it be “once bitten, once itched” or something? Make sense, people!
“A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush” … uh …er … huh? I’m just going to leave that one alone before I start to get censored by Google.
“A closed mouth catches no flies” … why, oh why, would you want to catch flies in your mouth? Unless you’re that pharaoh from The Mummy or dead, there’s no reason to have flies in your mouth … or am I missing something joyous in life?
“A drowning man is not troubled by rain” … yeah, no crap. He’s troubled by drowning! Hey, I got one for you philosophers out there: A getting shot in the head man is not troubled by his corduroy pants.
“A friend in need is a friend indeed” … again with the rhyming that makes no sense. Why is he a friend; because he needs help? So, all those people in third world countries are my friends because they’re in need? I don’t get it.
“Curiosity killed the cat” … so, what was this cat doing and how did it die? Was he like, “Ooh, what’s this shimmering thingy?” as a haymaker careened over him? I want to know these things.
“Choose neither a woman or linen by candlelight” … I can deduce that this saying came way before neon glow sticks or electricity. Was the guy who did these two things that shocked when it happened? He was probably like, “Dang, first I purchased this dreadful orange, purple, and brown plaid bed sheet … and now I asked out this toothless hag who has a lazy eye? I’m never choosing important things by candlelight again!”
(1/2 Cent): Until Monday …
And so ends another week. I hope yours was enjoyable. For those who are starting school again, I say: It will all be worth it in the end (ha, another adage!). For those who have an extra minute or two over the weekend, send in those comments or questions to HCP2007@gmail.com. You know you want to! All your friends are doing it!
HCP
posted by HCP @ 7:55 AM
2 Comments:
At 11:32 AM,
Anonymous said…
Hey look...no hard feelings! I wasn't the one tooting a horn that shouldn't have been tooted! You did say "there was no way they could lose"...I mean with all the sex offenders, wife beaters, and drug trafficers on the team...I am surprised that Greece even wanted to steal the ball from them!
I guess the reason I love to hate the USA Team is because, #1 you love them, #2 they don't play for love of the game...its for love of money... and #3 someone had to reply to your column...i felt sorry for you!!hehe
Oh and by the way, just because that is how they spell Downunder in the U.S, doesn't mean it is right! Why is it the rest of the world spells words the same, except the USA? I guess the same reason they can't figure out the metric system...too cocky for their own good!
At 1:24 PM,
Anonymous said…
SO besides the fact that someone has issues with Team U.S.A. and the proper spelling of an outdated reference to a country which I like to call the Imperial Prison Colony (I read a little, Note: I also refer to the State of Georgia as Imperial prison colony). Not sure there is a great argument against the Metric system, it is a nice system. As for cocky Americans, it's true, we went from plantation farming Puritans to World Super Power in a little over a Hundred years, brought the world amazing things like the Computer, the Internet, the Television, the Telephone, the Popsicle, Peanut Butter, Blue Jeans, and my favorite the Liberation of France (well pretty much half of Europe). List is long and prestigious. Not that Australia is without a list. This list comes from the website http://www.amazingaustralia.com.au/inventions.htm. Inventions like Testosterone spray, Streaking, the Pace maker (thanks from my Uncle), Meat-flavored water (yum), Hills Hoist (not so popular in the U.S. but an Aussie favorite), "but of course" the Drizadog (don't ask just click the link: http://www.australiana-design.com.au/driz3b.htm#dogs), and finally my favorite Backless Briefs (which are like a thong without the whale tail). Here comes the besides part mentioned like 250 words ago...
I am pretty sure the mice play Texas Hold'em.
And finally I just want to let you know I enjoyed the section: Sheriff As A Pace Car.
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