Pet Peeve Thursdays: You're Drunk, Right? No? Then Drive Better!
(1 Cent): Clueless Behind The Wheel
Do you know what really chaps my cheeks? People who do stupid things when they drive ... people who have no business driving ... people who cause accidents or even make you break your "stride" ... etcetera. Driving isn't that hard. Unfortunately, we have people out there who can barely wipe themselves after the bathroom controlling a piece of machinery that weighs thousands of pounds. I'm not perfect ... but I have never received a ticket nor have I been in an automobile accident. You can chalk it up to good driving, luck, skill, determination ... or I just haven't "gotten mines", yet. I don't know. What I do know is I've avoided many (MANY) accidents ... and here's some of the experiences of that and other very annoying road encounters. In no particular order:
1): Switching Lanes While Either Not Signaling OR Switching Lanes And Then Signaling After Your Stupid Move Was Made ... Okay, people. The purpose of the signal is to warn other drivers of the direction you're intending to move toward. Why tell me "I'm going right" after you have already swerved in front of me from the other lane? It's like, you dart in front of me, I slam on my breaks to make room for you (or you'd crash into me) and then you signal ... oh, you went right ... that's what had happened. I thought you were just flashing your turn signal because it's a pretty red. Those of you who don't even bother to signal should just burn.
2): Not Stopping On A Right Turn When It Is Red For You ... I don't know how many times I've had to break stride while driving because someone turns right in front of me WHEN THEY HAVE A RED. I've heard of the California Roll, but the Nebraska No Stop? What the poo? It seems that people are more cautious when it is their green light and they have to turn right than it is when the light is red. Plus, if you're making the oncoming traffic that actually has the green stop or slow down because of you ... I hope karma comes back at you in the form of your dog slay crawling on your carpet after it ate some Taco Bell.
3): Stopping When There's No Stop Or Yield Sign ... Not Stopping When There Is A Stop Or Yield Sign ... How is there any excuse for this? How can you stop when there's NOTHING to tell you to do so? Why? Why do we have to put up with you? It's people like you that create the desire for road rage. On the other hand, how can you just blow through a stop sign? Maybe the word "s-t-o-p" means "floor the gas pedal like a crazy immigrant" in another language, but here in the good ol' U.S. of A it means to use the other pedal (the break pedal) and bring your vehicle to a stop because, lo and behold, there might be other cars coming through that actually don't have a stop sign. If I see either of these again, I'm going to probably pee my pants and make you pay for the dry cleaning.
4): People Who Ride Your Tail On The Freeway, Get Frustrated, Pass You In The Other Lane, Dart Back In Front Of You In Your Lane, Then 3 Seconds Later Get Off On The Next Off Ramp ... These people need to be dropped off in Iraq wearing only red, white, and blue boxers and a shirt that says, "Iraq Blows." Are you really that much in a hurry that you needed to save those extra 0.6 tenths of a second by getting in front of me? I'm already going over the speed limit ... you're telling me you couldn't have waited like, 3 seconds, stayed behind me, and then got off the freeway like a normal person? It's so stupid! Unless you're in dire need of ... naw, there's no excuse.
5): Darting Into A Median (Going The Same Direction You Are), Then Just Merging Into Your Lane (Or More Accurately, Merging Into Your Car) ... This just happened again to me last night! Dude just burned rubber into the median, caught up to the same speed I was going, then just started merging into me! I saw this happening before he even did it (because it's happened before) so as soon as he started directing his car into mine, I honked until my hearts content (i.e. about 3 seconds longer than needed). I mean, geez! I know you saw me! There's no way you couldn't have! Do you expect me to slow down or something? You're the one merging! You have to merge with traffic, not me!
6): Big Rig Trucks Doing About 80 MPH ... If you're not Keanu Reeves in the movie "Speed 3: 16 Wheels of Destruction" then you truck drivers need to slow it down. Especially if you don't have cargo, because your trailers are swaying this way and that (i.e. they are swaying towards my car) and I don't feel like being on the front page of a newspaper article entitled "Handsome Man Smacked Off Road, Dies Horrible Death" because Jethro Q. Hickinson wanted to make "great time." I can see it now ... Jethro is quoted as saying, "Shucks, I didn't even see the little feller. I done didn't cuz I was whippin' through so durn fast, my trailer must've hit 'em. Hey, wanna hear mah horn? It sounds like pigs snortin' and eatin' curn!"
7): People Who Have Cars That Blow Out Black Smoke ... Can you not see the huge, black cloud of smog your pristine Trans Am is blowing out it's @$$? No matter if I have the windows up and the vent or AC turned to the off position, you can still smell it. Can you really not see it in the rearview mirrors? Oh, that's right. You don't use those shiny glass thingies. I've got an idea, though. Here's how you can tell if your car emits enough black smog to choke a rhino. If you take your car inside your garage ... turn it on ... keep it in park (yes, I felt I had to be specific) ... put a cinder block on the gas pedal ... close the garage door ... JUST KIDDING! Gosh.
8): On A 3 or 4 Lane Freeway, Passing In The Slow Lane ... Why do you do it? Do you think just because you're in the "slow lane" that a cop won't see you going 92 MPH? Generally, as a rule of thumb, the faster traffic is for the left lane(s). Don't try to pass in the right lane! Especially since sometimes, drivers want to be courteous and get over to the right so you can keep up that maniacal speed. It's happened before: I see some ya-hoo coming from behind me at about 40 miles faster, I blink to get over and start merging right, then all of a sudden, I see the same dude in the right lane, trying to pass me. What? Make up your mind? Which lane do you want? Oh, all of them? Okay, everyone else ... get over to the shoulder! Hmm ... I didn't know the "King of the Highway" drove a '91 Camero with 3 hubcaps ... weird!
9): The Over-Courteous Driver ... You know what I mean. The driver that thinks (s)he will be nice and let that one car turn in front of them, but the car waiting is confused, so there is this awkward stand-off, but the courteous driver is holding up about 12 cars behind them, and everyone is just parked .... Ugh! Just go! Being nice to one stranger isn't going to make up for stealing $10.00 out of your mother's purse when you were 8 years old.
10): When You're At A Stop Light, You Let Off The Break Pedal To Go When It Is Still Red, Then You Stop, Then You Want To Go Again, But The Light Is Still Red, Then You Stop, Creeping And Inching Closer To The Intersection (Where I Hope You End Up Getting T-Boned By An 80 MPH 16 Wheeler) ... Not really life or death, but just annoys the crap out of me. I mean, my color blind dog could see the light staying the same red ... wait until it's green! Oh, and a brother pet peeve to this, is the person behind a car doing this. Hey, I don't know what grade you earned in 10th grade physics, but here's a quick lesson: you can't go faster (or farther) than the car directly in front of you. Why keep inching closer and closer? Will it make the light change faster? Are you that much closer to your destination? Someone please give me an answer! That's all I ask (oh, and for you to stop doing it).
(2 Cent): There's More
So, the majority of these points have to do with almost causing accidents. Of course, there are many more things that annoy me (and no doubt you) but I guess my main beef is if it will cause damage to my car or my body. Other annoying pet peeves can be easily solved with a 10 second horn honk or the cross-wristed double birds (kidding!). Basically, I just don't want to be smashed and pummeled harder than Ike did Tina. There. I said it.
(1/2 Cent): You Got Beef?
This latest entry was an idea courtesy of one of my readers. What pet peeves do you have? I'm sure if you've been through it, we've all been through it ... and I'd like to write about it. Comment below or write in to HCP2007@gmail.com. Get in all the comments and whatnot today, because tomorrow is Grab Bag Friday!
HCP
Do you know what really chaps my cheeks? People who do stupid things when they drive ... people who have no business driving ... people who cause accidents or even make you break your "stride" ... etcetera. Driving isn't that hard. Unfortunately, we have people out there who can barely wipe themselves after the bathroom controlling a piece of machinery that weighs thousands of pounds. I'm not perfect ... but I have never received a ticket nor have I been in an automobile accident. You can chalk it up to good driving, luck, skill, determination ... or I just haven't "gotten mines", yet. I don't know. What I do know is I've avoided many (MANY) accidents ... and here's some of the experiences of that and other very annoying road encounters. In no particular order:
1): Switching Lanes While Either Not Signaling OR Switching Lanes And Then Signaling After Your Stupid Move Was Made ... Okay, people. The purpose of the signal is to warn other drivers of the direction you're intending to move toward. Why tell me "I'm going right" after you have already swerved in front of me from the other lane? It's like, you dart in front of me, I slam on my breaks to make room for you (or you'd crash into me) and then you signal ... oh, you went right ... that's what had happened. I thought you were just flashing your turn signal because it's a pretty red. Those of you who don't even bother to signal should just burn.
2): Not Stopping On A Right Turn When It Is Red For You ... I don't know how many times I've had to break stride while driving because someone turns right in front of me WHEN THEY HAVE A RED. I've heard of the California Roll, but the Nebraska No Stop? What the poo? It seems that people are more cautious when it is their green light and they have to turn right than it is when the light is red. Plus, if you're making the oncoming traffic that actually has the green stop or slow down because of you ... I hope karma comes back at you in the form of your dog slay crawling on your carpet after it ate some Taco Bell.
3): Stopping When There's No Stop Or Yield Sign ... Not Stopping When There Is A Stop Or Yield Sign ... How is there any excuse for this? How can you stop when there's NOTHING to tell you to do so? Why? Why do we have to put up with you? It's people like you that create the desire for road rage. On the other hand, how can you just blow through a stop sign? Maybe the word "s-t-o-p" means "floor the gas pedal like a crazy immigrant" in another language, but here in the good ol' U.S. of A it means to use the other pedal (the break pedal) and bring your vehicle to a stop because, lo and behold, there might be other cars coming through that actually don't have a stop sign. If I see either of these again, I'm going to probably pee my pants and make you pay for the dry cleaning.
4): People Who Ride Your Tail On The Freeway, Get Frustrated, Pass You In The Other Lane, Dart Back In Front Of You In Your Lane, Then 3 Seconds Later Get Off On The Next Off Ramp ... These people need to be dropped off in Iraq wearing only red, white, and blue boxers and a shirt that says, "Iraq Blows." Are you really that much in a hurry that you needed to save those extra 0.6 tenths of a second by getting in front of me? I'm already going over the speed limit ... you're telling me you couldn't have waited like, 3 seconds, stayed behind me, and then got off the freeway like a normal person? It's so stupid! Unless you're in dire need of ... naw, there's no excuse.
5): Darting Into A Median (Going The Same Direction You Are), Then Just Merging Into Your Lane (Or More Accurately, Merging Into Your Car) ... This just happened again to me last night! Dude just burned rubber into the median, caught up to the same speed I was going, then just started merging into me! I saw this happening before he even did it (because it's happened before) so as soon as he started directing his car into mine, I honked until my hearts content (i.e. about 3 seconds longer than needed). I mean, geez! I know you saw me! There's no way you couldn't have! Do you expect me to slow down or something? You're the one merging! You have to merge with traffic, not me!
6): Big Rig Trucks Doing About 80 MPH ... If you're not Keanu Reeves in the movie "Speed 3: 16 Wheels of Destruction" then you truck drivers need to slow it down. Especially if you don't have cargo, because your trailers are swaying this way and that (i.e. they are swaying towards my car) and I don't feel like being on the front page of a newspaper article entitled "Handsome Man Smacked Off Road, Dies Horrible Death" because Jethro Q. Hickinson wanted to make "great time." I can see it now ... Jethro is quoted as saying, "Shucks, I didn't even see the little feller. I done didn't cuz I was whippin' through so durn fast, my trailer must've hit 'em. Hey, wanna hear mah horn? It sounds like pigs snortin' and eatin' curn!"
7): People Who Have Cars That Blow Out Black Smoke ... Can you not see the huge, black cloud of smog your pristine Trans Am is blowing out it's @$$? No matter if I have the windows up and the vent or AC turned to the off position, you can still smell it. Can you really not see it in the rearview mirrors? Oh, that's right. You don't use those shiny glass thingies. I've got an idea, though. Here's how you can tell if your car emits enough black smog to choke a rhino. If you take your car inside your garage ... turn it on ... keep it in park (yes, I felt I had to be specific) ... put a cinder block on the gas pedal ... close the garage door ... JUST KIDDING! Gosh.
8): On A 3 or 4 Lane Freeway, Passing In The Slow Lane ... Why do you do it? Do you think just because you're in the "slow lane" that a cop won't see you going 92 MPH? Generally, as a rule of thumb, the faster traffic is for the left lane(s). Don't try to pass in the right lane! Especially since sometimes, drivers want to be courteous and get over to the right so you can keep up that maniacal speed. It's happened before: I see some ya-hoo coming from behind me at about 40 miles faster, I blink to get over and start merging right, then all of a sudden, I see the same dude in the right lane, trying to pass me. What? Make up your mind? Which lane do you want? Oh, all of them? Okay, everyone else ... get over to the shoulder! Hmm ... I didn't know the "King of the Highway" drove a '91 Camero with 3 hubcaps ... weird!
9): The Over-Courteous Driver ... You know what I mean. The driver that thinks (s)he will be nice and let that one car turn in front of them, but the car waiting is confused, so there is this awkward stand-off, but the courteous driver is holding up about 12 cars behind them, and everyone is just parked .... Ugh! Just go! Being nice to one stranger isn't going to make up for stealing $10.00 out of your mother's purse when you were 8 years old.
10): When You're At A Stop Light, You Let Off The Break Pedal To Go When It Is Still Red, Then You Stop, Then You Want To Go Again, But The Light Is Still Red, Then You Stop, Creeping And Inching Closer To The Intersection (Where I Hope You End Up Getting T-Boned By An 80 MPH 16 Wheeler) ... Not really life or death, but just annoys the crap out of me. I mean, my color blind dog could see the light staying the same red ... wait until it's green! Oh, and a brother pet peeve to this, is the person behind a car doing this. Hey, I don't know what grade you earned in 10th grade physics, but here's a quick lesson: you can't go faster (or farther) than the car directly in front of you. Why keep inching closer and closer? Will it make the light change faster? Are you that much closer to your destination? Someone please give me an answer! That's all I ask (oh, and for you to stop doing it).
(2 Cent): There's More
So, the majority of these points have to do with almost causing accidents. Of course, there are many more things that annoy me (and no doubt you) but I guess my main beef is if it will cause damage to my car or my body. Other annoying pet peeves can be easily solved with a 10 second horn honk or the cross-wristed double birds (kidding!). Basically, I just don't want to be smashed and pummeled harder than Ike did Tina. There. I said it.
(1/2 Cent): You Got Beef?
This latest entry was an idea courtesy of one of my readers. What pet peeves do you have? I'm sure if you've been through it, we've all been through it ... and I'd like to write about it. Comment below or write in to HCP2007@gmail.com. Get in all the comments and whatnot today, because tomorrow is Grab Bag Friday!
HCP
posted by HCP @ 9:12 AM
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