Grab Bag Fridays: Why Croc Hunter, Why?

(1 Cent): Is It On Again?

Last week featured "Sheila's" comment to Lmach that went unredeemed ... until this week. Lmach fires back with some good stuff (and going as far as to mention the late, great Croc Hunter! Cry-key!). Sheila is on the clock to respond ...

Q: "Dear Sheila: Apparently you did not see Crocodile Dundee. How can you say that a country which will take a lousy actor, Paul Hogan, and then make not one but two crappy movies about his mischievous, supernatural, aussie abilities a country "too cocky for their own good". Not to put a damper in things but if I remember correctly the poster child for Australia "The Croc Hunter" didn't fair to well when he displayed his not-so-humble attitude towards nature. But that is typical of those from the land down under.

They love their Man from Snowy River, Crocodile Dundee and pretty much everything about the rugged lifestyle which was displayed in America's Wild West over one-hundred years ago, and they aren't going to change it for no one and for no thing. Heck they even built the worlds longest most-retarded fence (no really look it up in the Guinness book of world records, it's there and I quote "the worlds longest most-retarded fence is proudly displayed in, drum roll please, AUSTRALIA,") the "Rabbit-Proof" fence. Congrat-u-fricking-lation you guys got a fence that keeps rabbits on one side of the fence on that side and keeps the rabbits on the other side on the other side. Come on if you want segregation try it with a homo-sapien, rabbits can't even fight back, at least the Russians put up the Berlin Wall and effectively kept people separated. I've seen you crazed aussies chasing rabbits with clubs killing them in what you call "protecting my crops" have you seen the outback it looks like one big desert... sorry doesn't look like one, it IS one.

Two last words "ANZAC biscuit"?????????

Okay more than just two words but just for explanation the ANZAC biscuit is the National Biscuit of Australia. Congratulations you have a "Rabbit proof fence (damn smart rabbits down there) and a National Biscuit" If i had these two things I wouldn't be all that cocky either, Hooroo!" -- Lmach

HCP: I have two things to say about that. One, I think rabbit segregation is a great idea. Those white ones are always trying to steal carrots from the brown ones ... can't have that going on. Two, I'm intrigued by this "ANZAC biscuit" that they have. I'm assuming it's a "cookie" a la the Oreo type, and not a "biscuit" a la the KFC type. But, is it even good? Can the Aussies be proud of this invention? And how come I've never heard of such a biscuit? C'mon, Aussies -- we share with you things like ... uh ... the Western Hemisphere ... the least you can do is throw us a bone, er, biscuit.

Q: "Actually... I do remember getting Columbus day off of school oh so long ago... I think the native americans kind of ruined it though. Something about Colulmbus being a crazy, cruel, white deamon or something... I won't say anymore... the red deamon might come after me with their evil lawsuits and political correctness..." -- Crash N. Burnett

HCP: Hmm … so schools get the day (Columbus Day) off but not the workplace? Bogus. I guess I’ll find out for sure in a couple of weeks. So … if the “white demon” is, well, White people … is the “red demon” you speak of the Native Americans? I'm still learning my euphemisms for Indians.

(2 Cent): I’m Dying Laughing Here!

I’ve been watching some T.V. shows lately that have me laughing out loud (and not in the overused LOL way in texts). I sometimes have to stop after a while because my cheeks start hurting. Some shows have me laughing because of the wit; others because I think to myself, “Did they actually just say that on national T.V.?” Other programs bust my gut because of what’s defined as “unintentional comedy” (see: Bill Simmons’ “Unintentional Comedy Scale”). For example, take Kevin Federline. He’s not a comedian. He’s not trying to be humorous. This does not mean we don’t laugh at the things he says and does. He has us thinking, “Holy monkey! What a fool!” while we’re rolling in our seat, laughing like little schoolgirls.

The following is a list of some of the shows that I find delightfully comedic, keeping in mind they have me entertained for various reasons (in no particular order):

Family Guy (Fox): I’ve enjoyed the first three episodes of the newest season so far … almost too much. This show is great for the speed of the scenes, the outrageousness of the scenes, the allusions to the rarities of life, the “realness” of some of the scenes, and the sheer shock value. The only downside is that in some episodes, they go a bit too far with the sacrilege – I like to laugh, but I don’t want to go to Hell either.

War At Home (Fox): This is the second season of this show. I did watch every episode of the first season (except maybe one) and am pretty impressed. I’m a big fan of Michael Rapaport and I compare this show to a new-aged “Married With Children” – except a little quicker.

MXC (Spike): I don’t know who thought this would be a good show, but they were right on! This is one of the wittiest, fast paced commentary shows out there. You don’t watch for the actual game show, but for the voiceovers. Great writers.

Parental Control (MTV): So, this is a show loaded with unintentional comedy – and it’s the only way I could watch it. I always sit and think to myself, “Are these people for real? Are there really people that think that way? That act that way?” People never cease to amaze me … and there’s a decent sample of those amazing personalities in this show.

Mind of Mencia (Comedy Central): As long as my boy Dave Chappelle is gone, this guy will have to do. I actually wasn’t a fan at first … but after a while, he grows on you. I’d say Carlos Mencia is more along the lines of “shock value.” He earned me as a fan with his skit, or remake, of Kanye West’s “Gold Digger” video.

Colbert Report (Comedy Central): Steven’s dry humor gets me every time. I like how he says quality jokes but stays indifferent. All the sections of his show (The Word, Formidable Opponent, his interview, etc) are great. Politics have never been so fun (for me).

(1/2 Cent): Bye, September

With this entry we end another glorious month. I hope I’ve kept all at least mildly entertained for at least 3 minutes for 3 days out of the week. Be sure to check back on Spmusic Monday for a great music review AND the results of my softball team’s playoff run. Did we win? Did we lose? Was there a bench clearing brawl near the mound? You’ll have to see Monday!

Any and all questions and comments welcomed! Write to HCP2007@gmail.com or click on the comments link below. Have a faboo weekend!

HCP

Pet Peeve Thursdays: I Hate It When ...

(Cent 1): Purchasing Packages

You know what really chaps my cheeks? The sticky sticker on top of a CD that keeps it from opening at the top. I've done some research, and about 4 out of every 5 CD's I buy, that sticker rips while I attempt to open my legally purchased music! Why is that?

I start to peel it off carefully, starting on the back of the jewel case so I won't have the majority of the sticky residue on the front. The next thing I know, it breaks off in a little piece and I have to start over again. Then I'm peeling and peeling, scratching and scratching, cussing and moaning ... just to get this case open!

Now, why can't they all be like that 1 out of 5 CD ... where it's some thick tape AND very unadhesive so I can just take it off with one, gentle swipe? Hmm ... gentle swipe. I love it when this happens. I actually like the artist even more if they splurge and advise their record company's packaging service to use this type of tape. It makes my day.

Please remind me ... why do we need this tape at the top of the jewel case again? I first have to open the package once because of that clear, plastic wrapping paper. The CD is not more secure with this piece of tape. Is it because the sticker has the artist's name and album title on the top of it? I already know who it is by the cover! "But, HCP -- what if you're looking at the CD just from the top in a music store?" Yeah, well, I'll use my finger muscles and flip the case a quarter inch and look what's on the front.

I suppose I don't have beef with the sticker as much as the quality of the sticker. Can't there just be one universal sticker, that all CD's use? We have the technology for a venture such as this. I'm almost certain of it. Hint: manufacture the one that doesn't make me spend 5 minutes tearing it off while sounding like an enraged George Carlin. That's all I ask.

(2 Cent): October

I was looking at the calendar the other day, and even though there are a couple of holidays listed for October (Yom Kippur on the 2nd ... Columbus Day on the 9th ... National Boss Day on the 16th ... United Nations Day on the 24 ... Halloweener on the 31st), I believe the majority of people do not get work off to enjoy said holidays. What is up with that? I'm not sure yet, but I don't think I even get Columbus Day off, and that's the holiday we'd most likely get to have off. Wait ... do banks get that day off? Or post offices? Hmm ... too lazy to search on Google.

I don't know about you, but I'd really enjoy one day off in October -- especially since some of the days are set aside as "holidays." To me, holidays should equal day off. Doesn't the root of the word holiday come from holy day? Holy, as in, pure and set aside from the arduous labors of work? I feel we need an extra holiday to get our minds in the right mood for the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays that will be upon us. Would anybody be opposed to this? How about making Halloween a national holiday? Then one could go around all day and receive candy ... which would make for about 147.3% more candy than the regular "just go out at night because we're at work all day" holiday. In turn, that would mean that people would have to buy more candy to supply the demand of trick-or-treaters, which in turn would help the economy (and companies like Brach's and Nestle). I don't see a downside. Someone who is reading this with power to make this happen ... well ... uh ... make it happen.

(1/2 Cent): The New and The Same

As you have noticed, I'm just writing about one thing that peeves me and elaborating on it, as opposed to my extensive lists. I think this will make for a better allocation of peeves (i.e. I won't run out of things by October 19th). Of course, I could always write about or elaborate on your pet peeves as well. Write them in (or any other comments or questions) to HCP2007@gmail.com or click on the comments link below. Thanks for reading!

HCP

Spmusic Mondays: Something Keeps Pulling Me Back ...

(1 Cent): Salt In The Wound

Ok, this will be the last time I mention my fantasy team for baseball ... but I calculated our points for the week we would have played, and it added up to 398 ... the actual winner of the league (the same team that beat us in the playoffs) scored 395 ... which means, that the Harang for Burnett move that made us lose last week also cost us the championship! Gah!

It pains me to know that we had it in the bag ... I will now proceed to put a bag over my head. What adds to the irony, is that Harang had a monster game: CG, 9K, and the win with only 2 ER's. Now he pitches a good game. Sheesh.

I now add Harang to my list of unforgivable fantasy players, which also includes Tracy McGrady (NBA), Michael Finley (NBA), Carlos Arroyo (NBA), Carmelo Anthony (NBA), and Chauncey Billups (NBA). As you can see, the rest of the list consists of NBA basketball players. This because our fantasy basketball teams always make the playoffs and usually have someone choke or get injured at the end, while this was our first baseball team that was good enough to have a let down by a player in crunch time.

In another month, we (co-owner J.H. and I) will be drafting our '06-'07 NBA fantasy basketball team. I look forward to another year of regular season domination, followed by another major choice to make before playoffs, followed by getting screwed all over again. Every year it's something different. One year it's injuries ... another year it's a new head coach (in real life) not playing their best players ... the next year it's a player having an off year ... the year after that it's a brawl at The Palace and having both Ron Artest and Stephen Jackson off your fantasy team because they were suspended by the league for the whole season (wow, that was brutal ... good times!) ... and then another year you start someone you shouldn't have. I can't wait for this year's anomaly! Go heartbreak!

(2 Cent): Ching-A-Ling

This week's review comes from St. Louis' own Chingy, with his 3rd album entitled Hoodstar. After his very impressive debut album Jackpot (coming from Ludacris' record label Disturbing The Peace), Chingy broke off into his own direction and came out with his second CD entitled Powerballn', which didn't do nearly as well for unquantifiable reasons (methinks the second single, if there was one, didn't get enough air play). I personally didn't think his sophmore album was too bad, which included a couple of good songs, but overall the production wasn't there and it felt like Chingy was trying to pimp off his new crew (G.I.B. or the Get It Boyz) too much.

Hoodstar, on the other hand, seems to come back to Chingy's strength, which is to collaborate with good producers and artists and rap with his unique drawl. Lyrically, he doesn't blow me away with deep raps or anything, but I am a fan of how he says words (i.e. instead of "air" he says "err" and instead of "there" he says "thurr") and does have a good flow to himself.

With all of that said, this CD had only a couple of songs that I wouldn't listen to all the time (aka "filler songs") and had some tracks that are personal instant favorites which more than make up for the average tracks. I would say it would be on the level of the CD's I reviewed for DMX and Obie Trice and give Hoodstar the same rating, an 8 out of 10. Very solid CD and a good comeback from a sophmore slump.

The following are my five favorite cuts from the LP. Looking back, I suppose I am ordering them in sequence of personal likability so they are in "particular order" ... and remember, I try not to include the first radio single (which in this case would be "Pullin' Me Back" featuring Tyrese and produced by Jermaine Dupri) as a Top 5 whenever possible.

**My Top 5 Songs**

1) Track 9, "U A Freak (Nasty Girl)" (Featuring Mr. Collipark) ... I'm quickly becoming a fan of Collipark's productions ... he's done some good songs for the Ying Yang Twins and Bubba Sparxxx and does his thing for Chingy ... an awesome dance party song.

2) Track 3, "Club Gettin' Crowded" (Featuring Three-6 Mafia) ... Three-6 has been making hits for about a year straight and they continue to with their collabo with Chingy ... a harder, more street track on Chingy's "Hood" side of the album ... this is a can't miss hit.

3) Track 12, "Let Me Luv U" ... Produced by the undisputed hit making champion Timbaland, this track offers a softer, hypnotic beat compared to the rest of the album (excluding "Pullin' Me Back) ... this is a track that I put on repeat.

4) Track 11, "A$$ N Da Aurr" (Featuring Spiffy) ... Okay, so the lyrics basically just describe this girl's features but the beat is definitely a club banger ... and if I'm remembering correctly, Spiffy is Chingy's cousin (gosh I hope those are just nicknames) ... and if not, then they sound awfully similar.

5) Track 5, "Bounce That" ... Another club track ... the bass hits hard and it has a beat that is familiar somehow but yet unique ... think of a "Bop It" sound on crack ... hey, I like it.

(1/2 Cent): It Can Happen 3 Ways

The Wannabees (my softball team) start their championship aspirations this Tuesday and Thursday, opening up the playoffs. Basically, three outcomes are possible by this Thursday. One, we can be 2-0 and be only 2 wins from the championship. Two, we can be 1-1 and be surviving in the loser's bracket, and win about 4 more games to be the champions. Three, we could lose both games and be done like the Kansas City Royals.

Tuesday (tomorrow) we will be facing the winner of the team that had to have a qualifying game to even get into the playoff tournament. Supposedly our 4-3 record allowed us to be a "good" team and make the tournament flat out. And to think, I was worried.

I believe that since the first game of the season, collectively, we have improved. I don't think we're impressive by any stretch of the imagination and we do have a couple of "holes" in our defense and line-up, but I do have more confidence in our chances now than 2 months ago. As me and my friend J.H. came up with in about 6th grade, all it takes is "luck, skill, determination: all packed into one" to win it all. Let's hope having just one of those is good enough (hint: it's not skill or determination).

Be sure to write in you comments, questions, ramblings, or critiques this week in time for Grab Bag Friday. Until Thursday, have a great week!

HCP

Grab Bag Fridays: Not Too Shabby

(1 Cent): The War Wanes

So, it looks like Sheila (our Aussie friend) is winning the battle of words against Lmach ... if only because she responded back. We had two comments this week and here they are:

Q: "Hey Wanka ... I mean Lmach ... thank you for confirming my last statement "too cocky for their own good." Just wondering if you would throw your [street] address my way, I wanted to send you some backless briefs, and who knows maybe I will spray a little testosterone spray in them to help you out???" -- Sheila

HCP: Ha. Wanka. That's funny. At least it's getting personal now ... and unless Lmach responds in defense of his manhood, count that as a point for Australia. (Note: I'm about 101.37% sure that we don't want to see Lmach or any male in any type of backless briefs ... I will now go beat my head against the wall).

Q: "Ughhg, that *was* a tough Fantasy loss ... I ain't gonna lie, you captured the torment horrifyingly well. If this keeps up, pretty soon I'll be able to put together a top 10 most gut-wrenching Fantasy losses! Life is so very cruel. Now back to torturing my Harang voodoo-doll ...." -- J.H.

HCP: Yes, it was a very, VERY tough fantasy team loss ... and it seems so much more painful than the other ones, if only because it is the most recent one. I've said it once and I'll say it again: it's as though we're the Atlanta Braves of fantasy sports (during the 90's and up to last year) -- we always make the playoffs but can't make it to the prize, for one reason or the other.

Salt in the wound ... this week (which would have been our championship week) our fantasy guys are doing awesome, including David Ortiz who now is the Red Sox franchise homerun leader. I suppose the Fantasy Gods thought it not enough to take away our championship, but then to let us know our team would have won had we been playing. Can you believe we actually pay money for this kind of torment?

(2 Cent): The First Step

**Warning: Self-Aggrandizement Will Follow**

Congrats to me on being accepted into the Post-Baccalaureate program. This means that I will be taking this class (The Rhetoric of Freedom), study for and take the GRE (with the studying taking a couple of months), prepare a thesis paper, prepare a letter of intent, beg and plead with 3 professors to write me letters of recommendation ... all in hopes of getting into the Masters program in January of 2007. With all of this, I am choosing to keep this a tri-entry blog (3 times a week), since I will still be working as well and want some sort of life.

Of course, with all of this information out there, I might be putting more pressure on myself. Thoughts come to mind such as, "What if I don't get accepted?" "Am I putting myself too much out there on the vast planes of the Internet?" Whatever. If I succeed, then it was meant to be. If I don't ... hey, there's always Vegas.

(1/2 Cent): Playoffs Begin

So, our Wannabees softball team didn't have a game yesterday because our playoff tournament starts this Tuesday. From what I hear, it's a double elimination tournament, which is gladly welcomed. Maybe I can make up for what happened to my fantasy baseball team by bringing home the crown in "real" life.

I hope our games don't get rained out ... it's been raining here almost non-stop for about a week and a half.

Have a good weekend, everyone. I hope school, work, and life in general is well for all!

HCP

Pet Peeve Thursdays: Eating Manners

(1 Cent): You Animal ...

You know what really chaps my cheeks? Horrible eating manners (habits). Now, I'm not Mr. Proper From 18th Century England but I also can be allowed to eat at an upscale restaurant ... and I don't embarrass or gross out others around me (at least I haven't known that I've done so). So, here goes a list of some don'ts while dining:

1) Not Washing Hands After Blowing Nose During A Meal ... hmm, some more mucus with your mashed potatoes, Martin? This practice is just a little on the disgusting side, especially if it was a "hardy" blow ... and even more disgusting if there is a community food that everyone reaches in for, such as corn chips or bread that needs to be cut.

2) Scraping Your Teeth Against A Fork Or Spoon ... not only does this send chills up (down?) my spine, but it'll slowly dull my silverware and misshape your already gangly teeth. Your goal is to take the food off the utensil and it only requires your lips. Your soft, pouty lips.

3) Trying To Make Me A Greek Orator While I'm Trying To Masticate ... I'm down to shoot the breeze, but after I fill the gullet with splendiforous food. Don't turn me into the entertainment; I'm hungry too. Simplistic banter works best during the meal while the pre or post meal are perfect for the doozies of a story.

4) Not Using Your Napkin ... sometimes you get food around your face and you can't feel it. Just use your napkin every so often to prevent fragments of corn or -- my most unfavorite -- smidgens of smeared mayonnaise at the corners of your mouth (give me a bucket right now).

5) Smacking Your Food/Chewing With Mouth Open ... these are the staple complaints (especially from moms when we're younger) but I still encounter this now. Unless the only word you can say is, "Mooo" and you can give us milk from your utter, close your mouth and cease the smacking sounds, sucka.

(2 Cent): Isn't That The Same?

So, one thing annoyed me in my grocer's cereal aisle the other day; in searching for a good, new cereal (ya know, to branch out of my staples) my eyes ran across a "new" Cap 'N' Crunch type ... it was "Swirled Berries." Well, didn't they have "Mixed Berries" before this? I mean, the flavor probably hasn't changed ... ooh, now I have the artifical taste of raspberry and blueberry in one fake berry blast! Don't get me wrong: I love the cereal. Just don't try to pass something off as "new" when in fact it's a "remix."

(1/2 Cent): Uh Oh ...

I remember writing about my friend asking me, "What happens if you run out of pet peeves?" At that time, I scoffed. Right now, it's looking like a reality. I can't believe it ... I'm running out of things that bug me! How can this be? Can this be classified as a pet peeve?

You see, the pet peeve is a continual annoyance; something that happens over and over again. It's usually not life altering or threatening, but it still gets on your nerves. I might be running low on those. Maybe I should be more sensitive to my surroundings? Am I overlooking some? Do I need to get out more?

I'm sure something will come up by next Thursday ... but to play it safe, send in some pet peeves that bother you. I need to be reminded of the intricacies of life that annoy me. Write to HCP2007@gmail.com or click on the comments link below. Don't make "People Who Don't Write In" one of my pet peeves!

If worse comes to worse, I might just say one pet peeve (i.e. no lists of 5 or 10, but just 1) and elaborate on that. That might help for a while.

HCP

Spmusic Mondays: Take 'Em To The Bridge!

(1 Cent): The Trifecta of Losing

This was not a good weekend in sports for Yours Truly. First, we were decimated in our softball game (see: 1/2 Cent). Then, on Sunday, our fantasy baseball team lost in the playoffs, and then my beloved Dodgers coughed up first place to the Padres.

Me and J.H. were going over our line-up just last Sunday (September 10th). We set everything perfectly, choosing the correct matchups, starting people who had more home games, etcetera. Then it came down to one choice: starting pitcher Aaron Harang or starting pitcher A.J. Burnett. We deliberated for about 20 minutes on this, all the while me saying, "Our season hangs in the balance ... this choice will decide if we go to the championship or fail." My prophetic powers scare me.

This was our reasoning for our choice: 1) Harang's game was at home, and Burnett's was on the road, 2) Harang's last two outings were no decisions, but he posted 8 innings pitched and 9 strikeouts and 7 innings pitched and 5 strikeouts (you receive points for all of those) while Burnett had a win and a loss, his most recent outing being a loss against the anemic offense of the Angels, 3) Harang was up against Jake Peavy, who had like an 8-14 pitching record while Burnett was going up against some guy I can't spell and am too lazy to look up, but who was 3-0 with an ERA in the very low 2's, 4) The Reds (Harang's team) is still in the Wild Card race while Burnett's Blue Jays are out of every playoff race ... we were thinking motivation.

So, after all of that and going back and forth on the other minor but important details, we did what we always do when faced with a life-changing situation: Flip O' The Coin.

I located a quarter and flipped it ... best two out of three. Heads was Harang, tails was Burnett. First flip, Harang. Second flip, Harang. I mean, everything pointed towards that man. Home field advantage; lasting long innings with a good amount of strikeouts; going up against an opposing pitcher that had a worse record (especially as of late); he was pitching for a contending team ... and the Flip O' The Coin doesn't lie, especially if it was a 2-0 sweep.

And a way we go ... Harang is the man. Well, Harang was the man (with was meaning not anymore). Burnett pitched his game earlier in the week, and he did a beastly job: pitching 8 innings, having 11 strikeouts (!), zero runs given up and only 6 hits and 2 walks. That equals 33 fantasy points (which is very, very good). My heart dropped. As soon as that happened, deep down in the core of my pathetic soul I knew we were done for ... but my optimism wouldn't allow me to concede, yet.

The next day, Harang pitched. His stat line went a little something like this: 6 1/3 innings pitched, 6 hits, 4 earned runs, 3 walks, 4 strikeouts, and the loss. That equals 8 fantasy points (which is very, very poor ... I think, if I took the mound right now without any prior pitching experience in the major league, I could've gotten at least 3 fantasy points). So, the difference between the two pitchers (Harang and Burnett) was 25 fantasy points ....

Long(er) story short ... our team ended up losing the week long game by 18 fantasy points. Yes, the difference that would have been made up by starting Burnett over Harang. How!? WHY?!? I hate it! Fantasy sports can be so cruel! The whole 5-6 month season down the drain because of one decision! This wound will take a while to heal ... I know, because we (J.H. and I) are still reeling from a loss that took place about 3 years ago in our basketball league. These things linger ... they leave scars.

Of course, there were a couple of other circumstances that didn't aid in our cause of winning, such as:

-- Our opponent had catcher Ramon Hernandez (who you might ask? EXACTLY) put up a monstrous 37 fantasy points for the week ... that, by the way, was a season high in points for a week (and I didn't look it up, but I'm sure it was a career high, too) ... more salt in the wound, is that he went 4-4 on Sunday -- the last day of the game -- with 4 runs, an RBI, and a walk. Ridiculously stupid.

-- Our two real life MVP candidates, David Ortiz and Jermaine Dye, and Comeback Player of the Year candidate Jim Thome, choked harder than Elizabeth Taylor on a chicken wing going a combined 10 for 62 (with Big Papi going 1-7 in his double header on Sunday) ... there is no justice in this world ... how can you predict that? How?

-- Our pitcher Jon Garland (who's being pimped by his crazy MLB manager as a Cy Young winner) had a horrible outing against the A's, who have less offense than my softball team, pitching only 5 2/3 innings and giving up 9 hits, 3 earned runs, 2 walks, with only one strike out for the loss and a whopping 3.83 fantasy points ... the game before that, he pitched 6 innings and had 6 strikeouts in a win ....

Sigh ... and thus ends another chapter in my fantasy life, with a familiar yet still dreadfully painful ending ... I can't wait for basketball season to start! Bring it on!

(2 Cent): Go 'Head Get Gone With It!

I'm not going to lie ... I thought Justin Timberlake's first solo album Justified was pretty good, if not for the sole fact that he had super-producers Timbaland and The Neptunes (with the last song by Brian McKnight) do all of his beats. They were catchy songs and different from his little boy band days.

With that said, there might have been a little bit more hype for me with Timberlake's sophomore album, FutureSex/LoveSounds (I can't believe I just typed that ... it'll be the last time) especially when I heard the first single "SexyBack" produced by and featuring Timbaland. It was such a unique, uptempo beat, I was almost certain I'd be let down by the rest of the album (because I didn't know who else would be producing beats for him on the rest of it).

To my surprise, Timbaland produced all but two songs on his album (with one by Black Eye Peas soundman Will.I.Am and the other by someone I've never heard of before). It truly is out of this world, with a combination of futuristic beats and sounds that only Timbaland can concoct. Does Timberlake have the best voice in the world? No. Is he horrible? Far from it. C'mon, he can sing ... or at least you'll have the ability to sing along and sound just like him.

From start to (almost finish), the album holds your attention by making you want to boogie, sing, and guess what crazy sounds are coming next. I literally have had this in my car for the whole week straight and can listen to it without skipping a track -- a bonus is that the interludes (or preludes) are actually good enough to listen to as songs. The only beef I have is with the last song on the album, which does not fit the rest of the album's melodic theme. It's not horrible, per se, but I don't think it should have been included. With that said (and this might sound crazy) I am giving Timberlake's sophomore CD an 8.5 out of 10 because it surpassed expectations, it is unique beyond description, Timbaland is the man, and he has T.I. and Three-6 Mafia on a couple of tracks. 'Nuff said.

**My Top 5 Songs** (in no particular order)

1) Track 9, "Summer Love" ... one of the catchiest beats on the album ... you can't help but nod your head in the car and sing along to the chorus, no matter who's watching! (Uh, that's what my friend said ... er ... yeah).

2) Track 4, "My Love" (Featuring T.I.) ... another out of this world sound ... you can't compare this song to anything that has come before ... then you put T.I. on it? Wow.

3) Track 7, "Chop Me Up" (Featuring Timbaland & Three-6 Mafia) ... Tim changes up the beat for a more slower, harder beat that is infectious ... then after Justin sings and he raps, switches up the flow for an even harder beat for Three-6 to rap to ... an awesome track.

4) Track 6, "What Goes Around ..." ... this is a more R&B song, with lyrics that can really hit hard if you've had recent heartbreak ... I'm found of the chorus ... even the interlude is good.

5) Track 5, "Lovestoned" ... a mixture of fast hitting Timbaland sounds and beatbox that has you poppin' and lockin' like no other ... well, at least dancing ... or thinking, "Hmm, this is good stuff, yo!"

(1/2 Cent): Limping Into The Tournament

Well, the team we beat the second game of the season returned the favor to us last Thursday to the score of 14-8. As soon as we gave up 5 runs in the first inning, I knew it was going to be a long night. Note to all softball pitchers out there: starting off the game with a hit and 2 walks to load the bases with no outs never ends well (for you).

Our pitching was sketchy ... our outfield was scratchy ... and our hitting was skunky. Oh, well. We start the playoff tournament this week, methinks. Hopefully we can make some noise!

Wannabees Team Stats, End of Regular Season: (4-3) ... Last Game - L, 14-8

HCP Game Stats: AB = 3, H = 2, BA = .667

HCP End of Regular Season Stats: G = 7, AB = 20, R = 5, H = 14, 2B = 2, RBI = 5, BB = 1, SF = 1, BA = .700

Please write in comments and questions to HCP2007@gmail.com ... see ya on Thursday!

HCP

Grab Bag Fridays: Back and Forth

(1 Cent): This Is What I'm Talking About

As I stated yesterday, we have some good banter going between readers ... this is better than what I could've imagined. The first is a question from a new reader, followed by the two comments from "Lmach" and "Sheila" (of course with my comments in between):

Q: "Rumor has it that you are going to go back to updating your blog daily, is this true? Please let it be so." -- Captain Crystal Black

HCP: Wow, rumors travel faster than I thought on the 'net. Actually, I had just thought of going back to a daily blog (and by thought I mean only in my head and not talking to anyone else about it) because I'm now back to my old job and am attempting to go back to school (see today's "2 Cent"). If going daily again doesn't interfere with said schooling, then it shall come to pass ... the upcoming week will unveil the answer.

Q: "Hey look...no hard feelings! I wasn't the one tooting a horn that shouldn't have been tooted! You did say "there was no way they could lose"...I mean with all the sex offenders, wife beaters, and drug traffickers on the team...I am surprised that Greece even wanted to steal the ball from them! I guess the reason I love to hate the USA Team is because, #1 you love them, #2 they don't play for love of the game...its for love of money... and #3 someone had to reply to your column...I felt sorry for you!! hehe Oh and by the way, just because that is how they spell Downunder in the U.S., doesn't mean it is right! Why is it the rest of the world spells words the same, except the USA? I guess the same reason they can't figure out the metric system...too cocky for their own good!" -- Sheila from Downunder

HCP: Ha. Okay, first off, we didn't have Ruben Patterson, Jason Kidd, or Shawn Kemp on the team this year so we couldn't have had all of those said "offenders." Second, I'm surprised that Greece has a team, period. Third, the part where you say that Team USA plays "for [the] love of money" is untrue, because I'm pretty sure they don't get paid for being on the team (you must have that mistaken for their respective NBA teams ... you know, their job). Each one gives up their summer -- the only time they get off during the whole year -- and travel to a foreign country to represent ours (and by ours I mean the U.S.).

As for the rest of your argument, I leave it up to Lmach ....

Q: "SO besides the fact that someone has issues with Team U.S.A. and the proper spelling of an outdated reference to a country which I like to call the Imperial Prison Colony (I read a little, Note: I also refer to the State of Georgia as Imperial prison colony). Not sure there is a great argument against the Metric system, it is a nice system.

As for cocky Americans, it's true, we went from plantation farming Puritans to World Super Power in a little over a Hundred years, brought the world amazing things like the Computer, the Internet, the Television, the Telephone, the Popsicle, Peanut Butter, Blue Jeans, and my favorite the Liberation of France (well pretty much half of Europe). List is long and prestigious.

Not that Australia is without a list. This list comes from the website http://www.amazingaustralia.com.au/inventions.htm. Inventions like Testosterone spray, Streaking, the Pace maker (thanks from my Uncle), Meat-flavored water (yum), Hills Hoist (not so popular in the U.S. but an Aussie favorite), "but of course" the Drizadog (don't ask just click the link: http://www.australiana-design.com.au/driz3b.htm#dogs), and finally my favorite Backless Briefs (which are like a thong without the whale tail).

Here comes the besides part mentioned like 250 words ago...I am pretty sure the mice play Texas Hold'em.And finally I just want to let you know I enjoyed the section: Sheriff As A Pace Car." -- Lmach

HCP: Well, where to start? I love the "plantation farming Puritans to World Super Power in a little over a hundred years" line. Had me rolling. Plus, the links are simply *amazing* ... everyone needs to click on them (the first link might not be suitable for children under the age of 30 or the faint of heart). The second link ranks pretty high on the "Why Does This Exist?" scale. Note: I'm not so sure that the featured German Shepherd dog is a "a happy customer." In fact, said dog looks as if he's ready to assume the fetal position in shame and then go postal, at the same time. Yeah, it's a weird look for a dog.

There's not much else I can add to that (and believe me, I want to).

Thanks for the comments and questions.

(2 Cent): More of the Same

As I've stated previously in another column, I hope this sparks some type of "flurry of comment fury" so it will develop Grab Bag Fridays into a forum for all.

I briefly stated earlier that I am back to my ol' tricks (job) and am attempting to return to school, and eventually graduate school. I am currently adding (I will know for sure on Monday or so) a class that one of my (old) professors believes should aid in entering the Masters program in English, with an emphasis in Rhetoric & Composition. Basically, if I can get into this class, I will develop a project that I can use as a part of my application. Also, I'm going to need to be studying for the GRE and come up with a super letter of 'why' I should be allowed into the graduate program. I have until January 15th, 2007. In the immortal words of Murphy Lee, "I might have a watch, but I don't got time."

I need to see how much time this will consume before I can't make any bold proclamations about having Two And A Half Cents return as a daily blog. If it is possible, the blog will be five days a week again ... but I do have to prioritize. Thanks again to Captain Crystal Black for the commendable aspiration of wanting to read me everyday. Your words do not fall on deaf ears (or blind eyes).

(1/2 Cent): What Chu Want?

Let me know of any ideas you'd like me to write about ... I can write about them in the "Q & A" portion or write it as its own article in "2 Cent" on Grab Bag Fridays (or if it's about sports or music, I can implement it on "Spmusic Mondays"). Simply write to HCP2007@gmail.com or click on the comments link below. Don't be shy ... I won't bite (much).

Thanks to all the readers and people who write in. To all, have a great weekend and we'll do this again next week! A-B-C-ya!

HCP

Pet Peeve Thursdays: Wearing What?

(1 Cent): Can I Get One Too?

You know what really chaps my cheeks? People who add weird trinkets to their fashion accessories or wear technology (to make them look important or feel cool). This practice has got to go and soon.

*Fashion No-No's*

1) Wearing The USB Memory Chip Around Your Neck ... okay, Mr. I Haven't Talked To A Girl Since The Bank Teller Told Me To 'Drive Away Now', this is a look that screams obnoxious. It's almost tolerable if you work with computers, but keeping it around your neck hanging from a 2002 Olympic band while you're eating at a restaurant? C'mon. You gonna hook it up to your burger to save it for later?

2) Having Your Cell Phone Attached To Your Belt With A Case ... I don't know if it's having your phone attached to your belt as much as it is you checking it every 2 minutes for a call. Sorry, Batman, but your utility belt isn't buzzing or ringing. Yes, yes ... you look very important with it by your hip. It's very protruding.

3) Multiple Color Wrist Bands ... I'm not exactly sure what company makes these things ... I know they are different colors and usually have a word on them like "Faith" or "Live" or "Muskrat" ... but to wear like 6 of them on one arm? Unless you're a mad club hopper or are going for the 'Human Lifesaver" look, then one will do.

4) Sweatpants Under A Skirt ... Psst ... excuse me, miss? The 80's called and want their sweats back. I don't know what it is about the look of tights or something being worn under jean skirts ... but sweatpants? Was this ever fashionable? Please just wear one or the other (you can guess which is preferred by yours truly).

5) Uncool Throwback Jerserys While Being Over 45 Years Old ... I've only seen this in the gym, but still, when is it en vogue to don a Detlef Schrempf road jersey in the year 2006? Or even 1993?

(2 Cent): Makes Me Wanna Say 'Hmm' ...

Something else that semi-chaps my cheeks are people that try to use elaborate words in speech, when they have no idea what they mean (i.e. the Damon Wayans skit on "In Living Color"). I'm not saying I have this ginormous vocabulary or am perfect in my speech, but I do know you're posing when every other word from your mouth is "F" this and "F" that and then you drop the word "loquacious" to describe how your dog licks peanut butter off the roof of his mouth.

I'm not saying don't learn to use ornamental words to spice up your dialogue ... but learn to use the correct terms at the correct time. If you don't, you'll sound so metamucil.

(1/2 Cent): The Genesis of War

So, I'm almost giddy for tomorrow's Grab Bag Friday. Now, I only received two comments but one is refuting the other using quips and even has links to back his talk up. I hope this sparks debate for the upcoming weeks ... I'm all for putting each other down (as long as it's done creatively and is really funny -- I repeat, REALLY FUNNY -- and of course, all in good fun). There's nothing funny about telling someone Irish, "You smell" but there is something funny about telling the said Irish someone, "You smell like Mel Gibson on Monday morning after Llama Fest '06." You see, the first example just vaguely states one thing (smell) but the second example alludes to Mel having a drinking binge all weekend (because of his recent, public faux pas with his alcoholic rants); that while drunk, Mr. Gibson attends odd functions; and then makes your mind wander to "what did M-Gizzle do with these llamas while drunk?" all the while stating that you smell like a combo of all the events. Nice. Description, people, description.

Needless to say ... let the war(s) begin!

(If any of you readers would like to add to the 'War of Words' or even start your own mini-battle, feel free to do so). Simply e-mail to HCP2007@gmail.com or click on the comment link below. Ha, I'm encouraging put downs. In the words of the immortal Dave Chappelle, "Don't bring your kids!"

HCP

Spmusic Mondays: Play On!

(1 Cent): Playoffs Are Here!

So, my baseball fantasy team (that is done with co-owner J.H.) has officially made the playoffs. We ended the season with a 6 game winning streak (each week counts as one game) and enter the playoffs as the #3 team. Today commences the first day of said playoffs with Sunday being the last day of the game.

Potentially, there are only two games left (two weeks). If we win this week, we will face the winner of the #1 and #4 matchup for the championship.

This is a big deal for us because this marks the first year that our fantasy baseball team didn’t finish last, let alone make the playoffs. Our fantasy basketball teams always make the playoffs, but our baseball teams haven’t been as successful (due to not knowing all of the players very well and injuries galore). This year, led by sluggers David Ortiz, Jim Thome, Miguel Cabrerra and Jermaine Dye and by pitchers Brad Penny, Jon Garland, Francisco Rodriguez and Billy Wagner, we were able to stay relatively healthy and have some break out years by said players.

We have split the season series against this team at 1-1. Am I nervous? Yes. Will we win? Hmm ….

(2 Cent): B’Day, eh?

This week’s CD review is Beyoncé’s sophomore solo album entitled B’Day. I was surprised by the quality of her first CD that came out circa 2003 and was hoping for something more. While there are some quality songs (produced by the likes of Swizz Beatz and The Neptunes), there weren’t enough songs nor were there any that really accentuated her powerful range of voice.

There were only 10 songs on the CD (well, the 10th song entitled “Resentment” did have a bonus song at the end of it from her movie “Dream Girls” and some sort of remix to Track 2 “Get Me Bodied” that I don’t hear a difference to). For me, that’s just not enough. Don’t get me wrong … there were some good songs on there, but just 10 songs? The irony for me comes at the end of the said 10th song, where she has a little intro to the bonus song where she says, “I wanted to give all my fans something extra because this album was so special to me and it came so effortlessly ….” Methinks it came so “effortlessly” because there were only 10 songs on it. Maybe I should've paid the extra $4.00 and purchased the DVD with her music videos.

With all of that said, there were some very enjoyable songs on this CD. If you’re a Beyoncé fan then I’m sure that you will like this CD … if you’re an average fan, then I would suggest choosing your favorite songs or buying the whole CD off of iTunes (because it's cheaper than buying it in the stores) … unless you’re like me and need to have the jewel case and booklet.

To keep it real, I will give this CD 6.5 out of 10 … not just because I feel it needs about 4 more songs, but the slow jams that feature her powerful voice, I feel, are void. That is not to say that there are bad songs because it is an above average album.

Next will be my list of top songs, but only 3 instead of the usual 5.

**My Top 3 Songs** (in no particular order)

1) “Upgrade U” (Featuring Jay-Z) … this song was produced by Swizz Beatz and features boyfriend Jay-Z … this beat is the usual hard hitting, whistle blowing track Swizz is known for but is massaged smooth by Beyoncé’s vocals and spiced up with a rap from Jay.

2) “Green Light” … a production from The Neptunes … this track has a couple of sounds that sound similar to one of their productions from back in the day entitled “One Big Fiesta” from Ma$e’s Harlem World CD, with the hook switching up the flow with some marching band sounds.

3) “Get Me Bodied” … another Swizz produced track which sounds very similar to a song he just did for DMX called “I Run Ish” off his newest album The Year of the Dog … Again … I think Beyoncé does her thing on this track.

(1/2 Cent): Can You Say Three In A Row?

So, the Wannabees are now riding a 3 game winning streak after beating the team that we had a heartbreaking loss to the first game of the season, by the score of 15-9. I don’t know what it is about our team lately, but we’ve been putting up some numbers! Just two weeks ago we score 17 and now 15.

We have one last game this Thursday to end our regular season and then the playoff tournament will start on the 21st of September and run through October 12th. Needless to say, I’m giddy.

I did okay in the game … going 2 for 3 with a run and an RBI, with a couple of decent plays in the field (with a throwing error by yours truly to first base). Is it bad when you go 2 for 3 and your batting average lowers?

Finishing off the season will be the team that we beat in our second game 11-1 … hopefully history will repeat and we can have some momentum going into the tournament.

Wannabees Team Stats: Record (4-2) … Last Game – W, 15-9

HCP Game Stats: AB = 3, R = 1, H = 2, RBI = 1, SF = 1, BA = .667

HCP Season Stats: G = 6, AB = 17, R = 5, H = 12, 2B = 2, RBI = 5, BB = 1, SF = 1, BA = .706

Feel free to write in your comments and questions to HCP2007@gmail.com …. Have a great week and we’ll see ya on Thursday for more pet peeves!

HCP

Grab Bag Fridays: Yeah For The Weekend!

(1 Cent): A Humongous One (Comment)

I came to the conclusion that waiting a month for everyone’s comments might not work for me. I’m an up-to-date kind of guy and waiting four weeks to reply is just too long. So, without further ado, here’s the one comment I received:

Q: Don't worry about it HCP, I know they are having try outs for the Special Olympic Basketball Team, in which, I feel that Team USA will be more in their element. Who knows maybe you can be their waterboy...or wash their jock straps??...because you are obviously a die hard Team Loser Fan!!!! haha love your column!! -- The Sheila from Downunder!

HCP: Congratulations. You’ve accomplished to insult me, the mentally challenged, and the American basketball team in about two (run-on) sentences. Can I subscribe to your newsletter?

Ha … “die hard Team Loser Fan” … I don’t even know where to begin with that. First of all, Sheila, you say you’re from “Downunder” (and I believe it's Down Under … two words … at least it is in the good ol’ U.S. of A.) which is also known to us laymens as Australia. Now, I’m not too sure (I am) but I think I might have read somewhere that Team USA pimp slapped the Australian team up and down the court by a small margin (actually it was 113-73). I think the U.S. government is actually planning to pay some taxes this year on Australia … because we OWNED them.

Since this is true … what does that make your national team? Hmm? But, no hard feelings because you said you love my column (unless that was some sarcasm, in which case there are many, many hard feelings). Thanks for the read (sincerely)!

(2 Cent): Where Did That Come From?

I’ve been thinking of adages (or maxims or proverbs) and I just would love to know where some of these sayings came from (I know I can Google the origin, but I’d like to know NOW):

“When the cat’s away, the mice will play” … yeah, so it rhymes, but did someone actually witness this beforehand? Where did the cat go? To go and piddle? What were the mice playing? Patty-cake? Texas Hold ‘Em?

“Bitten once, twice shy” … maybe I should know this, but I guess I’m not cultured. Why are they twice shy from one bite? Were they shy once before, then had a bite taken out of them, and now are shy twice? Shouldn’t it be “once bitten, once itched” or something? Make sense, people!

“A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush” … uh …er … huh? I’m just going to leave that one alone before I start to get censored by Google.

“A closed mouth catches no flies” … why, oh why, would you want to catch flies in your mouth? Unless you’re that pharaoh from The Mummy or dead, there’s no reason to have flies in your mouth … or am I missing something joyous in life?

“A drowning man is not troubled by rain” … yeah, no crap. He’s troubled by drowning! Hey, I got one for you philosophers out there: A getting shot in the head man is not troubled by his corduroy pants.

“A friend in need is a friend indeed” … again with the rhyming that makes no sense. Why is he a friend; because he needs help? So, all those people in third world countries are my friends because they’re in need? I don’t get it.

“Curiosity killed the cat” … so, what was this cat doing and how did it die? Was he like, “Ooh, what’s this shimmering thingy?” as a haymaker careened over him? I want to know these things.

“Choose neither a woman or linen by candlelight” … I can deduce that this saying came way before neon glow sticks or electricity. Was the guy who did these two things that shocked when it happened? He was probably like, “Dang, first I purchased this dreadful orange, purple, and brown plaid bed sheet … and now I asked out this toothless hag who has a lazy eye? I’m never choosing important things by candlelight again!”

(1/2 Cent): Until Monday …

And so ends another week. I hope yours was enjoyable. For those who are starting school again, I say: It will all be worth it in the end (ha, another adage!). For those who have an extra minute or two over the weekend, send in those comments or questions to HCP2007@gmail.com. You know you want to! All your friends are doing it!

HCP

Pet Peeve Thursdays: Why You Wanna?

(1 Cent): 3 Things That Happened This Week

Do you know what really chaps my cheeks? Well, I’ll let you know 3 things that happened just this week … not extensive enough for their own ‘Top 10’ column, but bad enough where I had to say something … just had to.

1): The Sheriff As A Pace Car … so, I was driving on the freeway when I noticed a conglomerate of slow cars up ahead. I’m thinking, “Hey, what gives? Usually cars are traveling at blistering speeds, especially this early in the morning.” Lo and behold, I see a sheriff Suburban up ahead and no one – I mean NO ONE – is even thinking about passing him (going at 64 mph in a 65). It was unbelievable. I guess my real beef is with the morons going 90 mph behind me, swerving this way and that to get around me, stare me down as they speed by, just to slam on their breaks and not pass the sheriff. Where you at now, Jeff Gordon? Don’t wanna speed anymore? Hmm?

2): Screaming 3-5 Year Olds … If there is one thing I can’t stand, it’s the sound of unnecessary screaming from little kids. It’s not the babies … I know they’re babies. But the ones that should know better … the ones who are old enough to know better … the ones that yell just to be heard or that need endless amounts of attention (even if it’s in the form of a backhand) … those are the ones that need to be punted like Jack Black did to Baxter off a bridge. My “favorite” is when two of them want to have a little “scream-off” … where they can see who can yell the loudest. Parents: where is your parenting? Control your little scions of Satan.

3): Older Men Who Try Not To Make It Obvious That They’re Staring At A Younger Girl But It’s More Obvious Than The Fact They’re Wearing (A Fully Loaded) Depends … oh-ho-HO, this happens a lot. It’s somewhat comedic, but somewhat pathetic. I mean, if you’re going to ogle, just go all out and do it, heh? None of this “Oh, wow, she’s a looker … oh, wait, can’t look … too much … hmm … pretend that you’re staring at something else, ol’ chap … can’t … look ... away …” while your eyes flutter back and forth as if you’re watching a tennis match at Matrix speed. She could probably call you ‘grandpa’ for crying out loud! It’s just sick … probably because in 50 years I’ll have forgotten about this article and be doing the same thing.

(2 Cent): What’s Up With The Prices?

I’m in the process of getting ideas to decorate my place (don’t bother sending in all those fem jokes … I won’t read them!) and I was in this store – which I won’t say the name, but it rhymes with “ear pun kimtorts” – and they had some ‘pieces of work’ that cost an asinine amount of money. For example, there was this big (about 1 ½ foot) sculpture of this ninja warrior with a sword – although you really had to use your imagination for it … it was almost like an inkblot test come to life – that was priced at $70.00. It was made of hollow plastic. Are they serious? Do they hug and kiss you before or after they give it to you? Man alive! I don’t have a problem with spending money on something if it’s worth it, but don’t try to sell me an oversized cereal box toy for a tank and a half of gas.

(1/2 Cent): Last Chance!

I’m still deciding whether or not I will have the questions/comments for tomorrow, or just wait until the end of the month and group them all together. I suppose it will depend on the number I get. Also, it will depend on the topics I can come up with for the ‘Grab Bag.’ As always, I know the suspense is riveting.

HCP

Spmusic Mondays: Double Loss

(1 Cent): Collective Yawns For The Bronze

To destroy any predictions I have made previously, Team USA was upset by Greece late last week; Spain beat Argentina; we beat Argentina for Bronze while Spain (without it’s best player and FIBA MVP Pau Gasol) absolutely humbled Greece for the Gold.

I really want to watch that USA vs. Greece game, because I just can’t fathom how we could lose. Yes, I know that their team had been together for years and years while we were just put together a couple of months ago. Yes, I know the International game is a different game than the NBA. But I still can’t visualize how the collection of talent we had didn’t come through … against a Greece team that had no – NO – NBA players on the roster.

I suppose being the 3rd best team in the world isn’t too shabby. We did finish 6th about 4 years ago (or whenever the last World Championships were held … I’m too lazy to click on the ESPN link to find out). We had a better construction for the team … we had a better plan of not taking the world lightly … we still lost. I remember writing a week or so ago about how a team with LeBron, Wade, and Carmelo basically couldn’t lose – that each of those players were more than capable of carrying a team on any given night. Are you telling me that Greece’s team had better defense than last year’s Detroit Pistons team? C’mon, LeBron. Are you saying that this team of non-NBA caliber players is playing at a higher level than last year's Dallas Mavericks? Where you at, Wade? Carmelo showed up for the Greece game, scoring a team high 27 points ... but it's going to take that and a lot more (i.e. winning) for him to be put in the echelon as the latter two players.

Now I wonder what it'll do to our 3 co-captain's will for the qualifying rounds for the '08 Olympics. I wonder if it'll give them that much more motivation ... or be enough of a downer for them to go 'Tim Duncan' on us. Now that this tournamnet is behind us, we now have to look forward to the '07 Olympic qualifying tournament, where Team USA might have a totally different roster which includes Kobe Bryant, Chauncy Billups, Michael Redd, Paul Pierce and hopefully Amare Stoudemire -- some good veterans who can shoot ... and Amare who is a beast (if his knee is back close to 100%). Here's how I think the '07 qualifying team should look like (assuming all are injury free and plan to come):

Starters:

PF: Amare Stoudemire, Phoenix Suns
SF: LeBron James, Cleveland Cavs
C: Dwight Howard, Orlando Magic
SG: Kobe Bryant, Los Angeles Lakers
PG: Dwayne Wade, Miami Heat

Reserves:

SF/PF: Carmelo Anthony, Denver Nuggets
PG: Chris Paul, New Orleans Hornetts
PF/C: Elton Brand, Los Angeles Clippers
SG/SF: Paul Pierce, Boston Celtics
SG: Michael Redd, Milwaukee Bucks
SF/PF: Shawn Marion, Phoenix Suns
PF/SF: Lamar Odom, Los Angeles Lakers

There was a complaint about not having enough size against the more physical teams ... adding Stoudemire, Odom (who has showed he can guard bigger PF's in the NBA), Marion (who has also played a majority of the time the past 2 years as an undersized 6'7" PF), and keeping Brand and Howard gives us a pretty strong front court.

Another complaint was about not having enough shooting ... well, add Redd, Pierce, Billups, and Bryant and you have more shooters than Watts.

Here's the kicker ... as much as I would have loved Team USA bringing home the gold, there is a silver lining out of this let down ... and it's that Kobe Bryant will be looked on to restore order to the basketball world. It would be something that Michael Jordan didn't need to do (because he had a cast of NBA legends on his side) and it would be something that Wade, LeBron, or Carmelo haven't been able to do together. There's no one else on the planet that I would rather have on my team than Kobe ... despite all the criticsm he has taken by being too selfish or just a gunner with no conscious, I believe he is the answer (no offense, Iverson) to Team USA's troubles.

Think about it. The reason why he has to shoot so much is because the majority of his teammates on the Lakers are barely NBA ready (although I still love my boys to death). Who else is going to score, other than Odom? Put Kobe on a team with other all-stars, other play makers, and he's going to be just that much more dangerous. He's going to be able to put more energy on defense (because he's not going to have to be the #1, #2, and #3 options on offense every time down court), and he'll be able to make others better because he can pass (check the stats). Furthermore, I don't think his skill set will be the most important ... but that swagger he possess; the killer instinct; the fact that he will do almost anything not to lose will help the team more than anything. I'm excited now for next summer. Let's get it on.

(2 Cent): Some Underrated R&B Songs

Okay, so there wasn't a new release last week that I wanted to buy, so I thought for today I wolud list about 10 R&B songs that are some of my favorite, but haven't ever been heard on the radio (as far as I can tell). These would be of the '5 star' variety in my iTunes library. In alphabetical order according to artist name:

1): 112 - "You Said" off the album Hot & Wet ... this slow jam is for those who had their heart broken when their baby said they'd always be there, but then circumstances change ... I really love the melody and the harmonizing is out of this world at certain stages.

2): Alicia Keys - "So Simple" off the album The Diary of Alicia Keys ... from the first pound of the bass, it has you nodding and feeling the vibe ... Alicia mixes beats, her piano skills, and her flawless voice beautifully ... and as I've said before, I love the little portions of the synthesized voice.

3): Ashanti - "Don't Leave Me Alone" (Featuring 7 Aurelius) off the album Concrete Rose ... what really does it for me on this song is the hook (chorus) ... I could listen to it all day ... 7 Aurelius is an awesome beat maker.

4): Brian McKnight - "Good Enough" (Featuring Joe, Carl Thomas, Tyrese & Tank) off the album U Turn ... this is just a great collection of great voices, each with their own verse ... the guitar and the bass are crisp which is a great contrast to their various crooning styles.

5): Craig David - "What's Changed" off the album Slicker Than Your Average ... some might classify Craig as Pop, but whatever, this song is straight money ... his vocals are nicely harmonized with his own and an unnamed girl ... the topic of not knowing where the relationship is going is pretty universal ... I've played this song hundreds of times and have not tired of it.

6): Ginuwine - "How Deep Is Your Love" off the album The Life ... this song solidifed Gin as one of my favorite R&B singers of all time ... he demonstates some crazy range at the end when he turns straight opera at the bridge and then when he sing/screams "You can count on me/You can confide in me/You can trust me" ... just an emotion evoking song.

7): Joe - "Good Girls" off the album All That I Am ... this is another song that I have put on repeat for hours ... the topic of meeting a girl that turns out to be taken hits home hard (I'm sure it's happened to more people than Joe and I) ... just a smooth jam with a great hook ... the bridge in this song is also one of the strong points.

8): Mario Winans - "Turn Around" off the album Hurt No More ... this is a song you should only listen to if you're really, really missing someone and feel like soothing that hurt ... I love the topic, the hook is strong, and a small detail I like is how you can slightly hear the sound of cracking in the background, as if you're listening to a real record (really, my speakers are fine).

9): Tyrese - "Somebody Special" off the album I Wanna Go There ... Jermaine Dupri does a great job of creating a catchy jam with hard base and a synthesized guitar ... Tyrese let's us know how he's grown from past experiences and how he thinks he knows what love is all about now.

10): R. Kelly - "Burn It Up" (Featuring Wisin & Yandell) off the album TP.3 Reloaded ... now, this is a more of a reggaeton vibe instead of the more tradtionally slow, methodical R&B songs, but it's an infectious beat that infuses some singing and rapping in Spanish ... Kells burns up the track with power in his voice and has yet another hit.

(1/2 Cent): I'm Human!

Okay, so we won again for our first 2 game winning streak of the season. The odd part was that I (gulp) didn't get a hit! I did pull a walk, though, which in our softball league gets me to 2nd base, puts the girl batting behind me on 1st base, and brings up the male batter behind her (I guess it's a penalty for those trying to walk the males to get to the females).

I don't know what my deal is. Personally, I think I got too cocky after the first 2 games of going 3 for 3 ... then I just expected to get hits no matter what I did ... then I went 1 for 3 ... then I tried hard again and went 3 for 3 ... then this last game I didn't even try that hard because I thought I was the shiz-nit in a city league softball league ... then grounded out sharply 2 times and finally walked (and scored). On a positive note, I did play excellent defense again at 3rd base. I know it's bad when I can't hit but I'm fielding like Cal Ripken Jr. It's usually the opposite. There's 2 more games left in the season, then the playoffs start. The team we play this Thursday is the same team we played in our first game of the season, where we lost 8-7 after leading 7-6 in the last inning. Hopefully, we can avenge ourselves ... and I can get my bat working again!

Wannabees Team Stats: (3-2) ... Last Game - W, 4-2

HCP Game Stats: AB = 2, R = 1, H = 0, BA = .000

HCP Season Stats: AB = 14, R = 4, H = 10, 2B = 2, 3B = 0, HR = 0, RBI = 4, BB = 1, BA = .714

If you have time, write in your comments or questions to HCP2007@gmail.com so we can build up a good Grab Bag Friday. I might just wait a month or so before I do a reader's response. I haven't decided. Check back for Pet Peeve Thursday (yes, there will be one this time).

HCP

Grab Bag Fridays: Reaching Far ...

(1 Cent): Almost A Pet Peeve

So, I wanted to do the Pet Peeve Thursday article today in one of the ‘cents’ but was inspired by a conversation I had with my Mother to do something different. Basically, the conversation went from, “Yeah, that Brandon guy (real estate broker) was speaking pretty good Spanish” to “Yeah, not bad for a White Boy” to “He was probably telling them, ‘I’m sorry, you can’t afford to buy a house here with your income for assistant part-time janitor” to “Hey, there’s no such thing as a useless job … think of what would happen if we didn’t have garbage men … we’d live in filth!” to “Oh, I bet I can come up with some useless jobs … guaranteed” which leads me to now and my conception of The Useless Jobs List. I guess it can kind of be a pet peeve … I mean, useless jobs chap my cheeks sometimes … right?

**Useless Jobs** (in no particular order)

1): The Second Greeter at Wal*Mart … I mean, one is bad enough. It’s not like I feel welcome having someone with a face only a mother loch ness could love who reeks of pending death. Do I really need two of them? Is it just in case one is too slow at hi-ing me down, the other is like, “gotcha, sucka!” This position is just a waste of a blue vest and $3.17 an hour.

2): The Elevator Man (aka Elevator Boy, Elevator Operator, or the Liftman) … What, I’m not capable of pushing my own buttons? Have we come to the point where we, as a society, are so lazy we pay people to push the freakin’ elevator buttons for us? How does one even muster up the gall to apply for the position of the Elevator Man? (Or woman, I love being politically correct for you fem-Nazis out there).

3): The Price Checker at any Dollar Stores … Do I even have to explain this? “Uh, how much is this candle?” “Wait, let me go get the guy who price checks ….” “Excuse me, what is this piece of artificial bark going for now?” “Hmm … I’ll have to use my price checking gun … it might be a dollar, but I can’t be too sure.”

4): The Guy Who Dances, Makes A Fool of Himself, or Thrusts a Sign In The Air Constantly for Little Cesar’s Pizza … Is this clown making me want pizza? No. He’s actually making me want to swerve and launch him into the traffic saturated median. Have they actually done some research and came up with a good enough stat to make this happen? I can see the one sided conversation now: “Well, Mr. Cesar, our numeric data shows that the stores that have a moron dancing with an oversized pizza sign, 1980’s headphones, hobo-styles pants all the while wearing his pit-stained shirt have increased their monthly sales by 0.00327%. This makes it imperative to have at least one of these said morons on the corner at all times – rain, sleet, snow, or ghettos.”

5): The “Inspector” for my clothes … I don’t know whoever Inspector #36, Inspector #109, or Inspector #55 are, but they apparently are useless, because those are the fools that let a shirt go through (that I bought) that had some small but serious defects in it. Can you believe that I had a button hole all the way sewed up? I couldn’t even cut it with a knife! Where were you on that one, huh? Luckily for Inspector # 42 I don’t button up my polo shirts. I think they just get so carried away putting on their little stickers that they don’t even check the shirts. If they’re not going to inspect the clothing, then why even employ them?

(2 Cent): Where’s Everybody At?

So, I didn’t get any comments, questions, or even pocket lint this past week. Maybe I should just have a “Fan Mail” thing once a month, to accumulate more responses? I don’t know … I’m thinking it has to be something like that. Or I need to increase my fan base (from like, 2 to 4). Do I have to offer bribes? Cold hard cash? My blood!?! Let me know, people. I’m not just doing this for my own enjoyment (oh, wait, I am). I’d appreciate any table scraps you give me! Write to HCP2007@gmail.com.

(1/2 Cent): Did you know …

… those Crest Whitestrips really work?

… that pay day is glorious beyond description?

… we (my softball team) can still win even if I suck?

… Team USA is 7-0 and needs only 2 more wins for gold?

… I have a steak of 19 consecutive days dating back to the summer of ’04 of when I wash my car, it rains either that day or the next day?

… that ‘sugar gliders’ are animals that really exist?

… my fantasy baseball team is only one win away from clinching a playoff spot?

… I’m running out of ‘did you know’ questions?

HCP