Pet Peeve Thursdays: Eating Manners

(1 Cent): You Animal ...

You know what really chaps my cheeks? Horrible eating manners (habits). Now, I'm not Mr. Proper From 18th Century England but I also can be allowed to eat at an upscale restaurant ... and I don't embarrass or gross out others around me (at least I haven't known that I've done so). So, here goes a list of some don'ts while dining:

1) Not Washing Hands After Blowing Nose During A Meal ... hmm, some more mucus with your mashed potatoes, Martin? This practice is just a little on the disgusting side, especially if it was a "hardy" blow ... and even more disgusting if there is a community food that everyone reaches in for, such as corn chips or bread that needs to be cut.

2) Scraping Your Teeth Against A Fork Or Spoon ... not only does this send chills up (down?) my spine, but it'll slowly dull my silverware and misshape your already gangly teeth. Your goal is to take the food off the utensil and it only requires your lips. Your soft, pouty lips.

3) Trying To Make Me A Greek Orator While I'm Trying To Masticate ... I'm down to shoot the breeze, but after I fill the gullet with splendiforous food. Don't turn me into the entertainment; I'm hungry too. Simplistic banter works best during the meal while the pre or post meal are perfect for the doozies of a story.

4) Not Using Your Napkin ... sometimes you get food around your face and you can't feel it. Just use your napkin every so often to prevent fragments of corn or -- my most unfavorite -- smidgens of smeared mayonnaise at the corners of your mouth (give me a bucket right now).

5) Smacking Your Food/Chewing With Mouth Open ... these are the staple complaints (especially from moms when we're younger) but I still encounter this now. Unless the only word you can say is, "Mooo" and you can give us milk from your utter, close your mouth and cease the smacking sounds, sucka.

(2 Cent): Isn't That The Same?

So, one thing annoyed me in my grocer's cereal aisle the other day; in searching for a good, new cereal (ya know, to branch out of my staples) my eyes ran across a "new" Cap 'N' Crunch type ... it was "Swirled Berries." Well, didn't they have "Mixed Berries" before this? I mean, the flavor probably hasn't changed ... ooh, now I have the artifical taste of raspberry and blueberry in one fake berry blast! Don't get me wrong: I love the cereal. Just don't try to pass something off as "new" when in fact it's a "remix."

(1/2 Cent): Uh Oh ...

I remember writing about my friend asking me, "What happens if you run out of pet peeves?" At that time, I scoffed. Right now, it's looking like a reality. I can't believe it ... I'm running out of things that bug me! How can this be? Can this be classified as a pet peeve?

You see, the pet peeve is a continual annoyance; something that happens over and over again. It's usually not life altering or threatening, but it still gets on your nerves. I might be running low on those. Maybe I should be more sensitive to my surroundings? Am I overlooking some? Do I need to get out more?

I'm sure something will come up by next Thursday ... but to play it safe, send in some pet peeves that bother you. I need to be reminded of the intricacies of life that annoy me. Write to HCP2007@gmail.com or click on the comments link below. Don't make "People Who Don't Write In" one of my pet peeves!

If worse comes to worse, I might just say one pet peeve (i.e. no lists of 5 or 10, but just 1) and elaborate on that. That might help for a while.

HCP