Pet Peeve Thursdays: Fashion Police, I Am Not ....

(1 Cent): What’s The Statement?

Let’s get this straight. I’m not (too) misogynistic. I believe in equal rights for both sexes, blah, blah, blah. But, either according to the American male culture, the anti-homosexual movement (I hear something’s moving somewhere with that) or even just tradition, there seems to be a consensus (or majority) that believes males shouldn’t accessorize with the color pink.

****TANGENT ALERT****

I was just listening to the radio and some girl asked the question, “What does R&B stand for?” Shortly afterward, I threw up in my mouth a little.

****BACK TO THE ARTICLE****

So, yes, pink. Pink on guys. Pink on what seemingly are straight guys. You know what really chaps my cheeks? Guys wearing pink backpacks. Now, you might ask, “Don’t you have to encounter something more than once for it to be qualified as a peeve?” Yes, yes you do. And yes, yes I have. Three different occasions I have seen the pink backpack adorned over the shoulders of the male gender. They didn’t look femme. They didn’t look like they were in desperate need of attention. They didn’t look right. This is at the college level, people. I’m not talking about elementary schools … I’m talking about your local scholastic powerhouse.

The following questions went through my mind each time I saw this:

Are they in that much of need of attention?

Do they need money so badly, they had to sacrifice and get the pink backpack as apposed to the black or blue one that costs … hmmm … $1.27 more?

Are they carrying it for their invisible girlfriend?

Did they lose a fight with their 4 year old sister?

Is there a point they’re trying to get across?

Is the point they’re trying to get across, “I’m a real man by wearing pink”?

Should I or should I not run him over in my car?

Now, this discussion could lead into many discussions ... boys can wear pink too ... I'm too homophobe ... it's just a backpack ... I'm stupid ... it's only society (or old tradition) that says pink is for girls ... etcetra. So, why don't they make pink uniforms for male professional sports teams? I don't see the Boston Pink Sox or the Toronto Pink Jays. Why do they still have "It's A Boy" balloons in blue and "It's A Girl" balloons in pink? Why don't they make pink boxers for guys? Why do the backpacks that are pink say "Jansport" on it? Why? Because pink doesn't look good on guys. It's a soft, light color that just doesn't scream, "I pee standing up." I don't think it's catching on too much ... if you're trying to be a trendsetter, then I tip my (blue) hat to you.

Look, it's just a pet peeve of mine. Unless you're the rapper known as Cam'ron, the Pink Panther, or that gay gangster in the video game Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, if you're a guy you should shy away from the pink backpack. Unless you have a matching skirt.

(2 Cent): Used Butts

I know there are some addictions and vices that everyone has. I'm no different. But, when you really have to start looking at yourself in the mirror is when you're walking in a parking lot, spot a pile of burned out cigarrette butts, and then start rumaging through them like you're at the clearance table at JCPenneys. I mean, I literally couldn't believe my eyes. He was being selective with them ... throwing out 2 of the 14 he collected. What was he searching for? Some butts with enough burn for half a puff? The less driven over ones? The ones without coodies? What was wrong with the 2 he threw out? Was he too good for them? Did he not want to seem needy? Is he making up for a time when he was a child ... when his mommy said 'no' to buying a Transformer ... so now he's going to build some kind of super, used cigarrette butt robot and smoke it? I'd pay US currency to know.

Alls I knows is that if you're at the point in your life where you collect used cigarrette butts from a parking lot -- for whatever reason -- then you might want to start reprioritizing some things in your life. At first, I laughed. After I saw how serious he was, I laughed harder. But, then again, it is somewhat sad. I mean, how much is a loosey? A nickle? A dime?

Moral of the story: Don't pick up used butts.

(1/2 Cent): Hmmmm ... Beefy!

If you can, ask anything. Comment about anything. It can be trivial. It doesn't even have to make sense. Just write me something! Even if you just mash your fingers across your keyboard and it looks like: f9209u3j#if9*02305wt-0 .... just throw this dog a bone! Don't make me beg!

Write to HCP2007@gmail.com or click the comments link below. How about this: if you don't write me something, I will put a hex on you for tomorrow, Friday the 13th. I can't believe you made me resort to hexes. Shame on you. Have a great day!!

HCP