Grab Bag Fridays: I Suck

So ... apathy and "work" got in the way again for me ... didn't have any readers' response anyway ... sigh ... and thus ends March.

April 2nd, Monday will go on as planned.


HCP

Spmusic Mondays: Nothin' Like A Nice, Cool Draft

(1 Cent): Only 43? Ha!

Yes, my boy Kobe had only 43 points yesterday which broke his streak of 50+ point games. Still, it was the 5th win in a row which is the most important thing, right?

It puts the Lakers 6 games above .500 and retains the 6th seed for the playoffs. What's funny is that people are all disappointed, if not a little upset at Kobe for not doing it. I mean, c'mon, people! What he's been doing was amazing. Plus, he helped his team win. The entire Warriors defense was set up to stop Kobe, and they held him to 43 points. Golden State got outrebounded 63-33 because of that defense! They gave up 30 rebounds so Kobe wouldn't score 50 on them ... and they only did it by 7 and lost the game. That's still 13 points above Kobe's season average, which by the way, is #1 in the NBA (at over 30 ppg).

I kind of hate how people (especially people who comment on ESPN sites and other sites) have these ridiculous expectations. If Kobe doesn't score a lot, then he sucks. If he scores a lot, he's a ballhog. If they win, then it's because it's against lesser teams. It's almost as if anything he does, he gets crucified for it. I mean, did we hold Jordan to this standard? No, because there wasn't really anyone before him that the general fan could compare him to. Jordan revived the NBA at a time when it wasn't doing too hot. Now? We've had the Jordan era complete with the Magic and Bird eras ... which means now we have a great, relatively recent history to compare the players now against. Is it Kobe's fault if people keep comparing him to Jordan? Is it Kobe's fault if people have these ludicrous expectations that they didn't even have for Jordan? Kobe's been doings that haven't been done since Wilt Effing Chamberlin! What more do you want?

You can't compare Kobe to Jordan because there's too much difference in the NBA's style of play. Different hand checking rules; they defended one-on-one a lot more back in the day; the defensive strategies are totally more complex now. Plus, are you trying to say that if Kobe didn't have a Pippen on his team, he wouldn't have been just as good? It's all hypothetical.

I mean, give Kobe a Scottie Pippen to guard the other team's best player (which Kobe does himself) and to have that consistent, 2nd solid scoring option; give Kobe a center that doesn't drop the ball or turn it over every other possession (Wennington, Cartwright, Perdue, Longley ... all not scorers or defensive beasts, but did their job and played their role ... and could finish a layup); give Kobe defensive stopper at the PF position like Horace Grant or Dennis Rodman (I mean in their primes, not when Kobe actually did have them like 7 years ago); give Kobe a sharp shooting 3 point specialist like BJ Armstrong, John Paxon or Steve Kerr (and like Derek Fisher 7 years ago when they were winning their 3 championships); give Kobe a competent starting point guard like Ron Harper; give Kobe an awesome sixth-man like Toni Kukoc ....

I mean, crap! Kobe wasn't a ballhog back in the day with Shaq, Glen Rice, Fisher, Rick Fox, Robert Horry and Devean George on his team, among others. Still gave you 5 to 5.5 assists a game and scored in the high twenties (a la 2000-2001 averaging 28.5 ppg with Shaq averaging 28.7 ppg as one example). So, all of a sudden, when you stick Kobe with Chucky Atkins, Chris Mihm, Jumaine Jones, Tierre Brown, Stanislav Medvedenko, "The Player Formerly Known As" Brian Grant, Kareem Rush, Von Wafer, Aaron McKie, Laron Profit, Devin Green, Sasha Vujacic, Brian Cook, Smush Parker, Kwame Brown and a 19 year old, 2 year vet of Andrew Bynum you expect Kobe Bryant NOT to shoot? You expect Kobe Bryant to win multiple championships?

It was a miracle (and I mean MIRACLE) that Kobe and Phil Jackson got 45 wins out of these guys last year and extend the so-called "championship calliber" Phoenix Suns to Game 7. It's more of a miracle to have these guys above .500 this year, especially with all the time lost to injuries of Lamar Odom, Luke Walton, Kwame Brown, Chris Mihm and most recently Vladimir Radmanovic and Maurice Evans. Flat out modern-day miracles, my friend. I don't care who you are, no one in history is going to win a lot with the guys Kobe has played with after the "dynasty" -- not even Jordan. Put Kobe on those Bulls teams instead of Jordan, I have a hard time seeing them not winning all 6 ... and I don't see Kobe retiring for 2 years in between the three-peats ... I see 8 championships in a row.

Again, it's all hypothetical. Again, you can't compare Kobe to Jordan because of the different circumstances. All you can do is compare Kobe to the players in his era ... which means there's no comparison. Kobe has been the best player and no one can argue (logically) with that.

(And yes, I realize that this article started out one way and ended up with a different, almost tangetial point ... but that's the beauty of Two And A Half Cents ... it's my gateway to rant and to not have to follow guidelines!)

(2 Cent): Mr. Mosley

So, as I said in an earlier blog entry, my idea was to list my top 10 favorite Hip Hop (Rap & R&B) producers, with each week having a feature on the particular producer. I'll start at the top, with number one and working my way down.

It was pretty hard choosing a number one; I couldn't decide between Timbaland or Dr. Dre. So, what I'm going to do is make them #1a and #1b. The reason I'll start with Timbaland is because I did the only thing you could do when faced with a two-choice dilemma: flip o' the coin.

Going back to the mid 90s, Timbaland was the beatmaster behind a couple of my favorite artists -- and I didn't even know it at the time. If you want to read a little biography about Timbaland, click on the link below:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timbaland

As it says within the aforementioned article, Timbaland just made so many hits for so many artists, that it's crazy. Some people would kill for one hit, but this dude has dozens and dozens. Wikipedia doesn't even list all of the singles he did (which is kinda weird). He's had a big impact on the careers of Missy Elliott, Ginuwine, Aaliyah, Magoo, Bubba Sparxx, Justin Timberlake, Nelly Furtado and has made killer tracks for many more artists, too many to mention.

His creativity is off the charts -- his beats are so unique yet you can tell it's him after a few bars. That's the genius of it. He can do beats for Rap, R&B or Pop. He's been in the game for over 15 years and is still making hits, if not more now than then. For me, I can't recall a time that I heard a Timbaland beat and felt disappoint, or felt that it could've been better. He is everything that is right about Hip Hop: beats that actually make you feel something. There's a reason why they call him Timbo The King.

Sample of 10 Songs From Hit List (in no particular order):

-- "Pony" by Ginuwine

-- "Try Again" by Aaliyah

-- "Get Your Freak On" by Missy Elliott

-- "Ugly" by Bubba Sparxxx

-- "Big Pimpin'" by Jay-Z featuring UGK

-- "Is That Your Chick" by Memphis Bleek featuring Jay-Z, Missy Elliott & Twista

-- "Promiscuous" by Nelly Furtado

-- "Get A Light" by Snoop Dogg featuring Damian Marley

-- "My Love" by Justin Timberlake featuring T.I.

-- "Ice Box" by Omarion

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In fact, it's almost a dis to just list 10 songs, because I feel like I'm leaving off about 90 other songs that are just as good if not better. Just know he has more hit songs than you'll live years and he's the man.

My Top Producers List:

1a - Timbaland

(1/2 Cent): Two Teams Is Too Much (Not Really)

The Busdrivers rolled to another victory thanks to the Kobe Show. This week is the last regular season game and next week is when the real season starts. We just need our guys playing at their top level and to not poop out these last couple of weeks.

I'm a little worried because our "10th guy" has been different for about 4 weeks now (ever since Wade got injured ... hmmm ... any correlation?). This week is free agent pick up Devin Harris (DAL, G) who has been playing pretty solidly for the past 3 weeks. I just hope he doesn't pull a Fred Jones and gives me a 5 FP week.

I also picked (back up) Peja Stojakovic (NO, F) because he's supposedly returning from his back surgery and has been practicing and rehabbing for a while. We'll see. If he can put up some decent numbers, he might be my 10th man that I need.

Also, I am mulling over whether or not I should pick up Latrell Sprewell (No Team, F) now or wait until we (might) make the championship game. I think it would make for a great home page article story on our website. Something to the effect of Sprewell coming to the rescue of the Busdrivers, pushes them over the top for the championship game. You see, he's been out of the league for over a year now, because he refused to take a contract extension from his former team (T'Wolves) because he thought the money was too low. He had to "feed his family," which I assume $20 million dollars or so couldn't do. So, he's been out of the league and probably won't return ever again (another year older, no team wants that kind of selfish player). But, the beauty of stupid CBS Sportsline is that he's still someone you can pick up in the free agent list! Which means, I can drop someone (say, Peja) and add him for my bench! Now, I wouldn't start him at all, because that's just putting up a fatty zero for the week ... but how fun would it be to see his name on my team's bench? How cocky/self-assured/prideful would that make me (and J.H.) seem to the rest of the league? That's what I'm about: winning and entertainment. It would certainly amuse me.

At the same time, if I did it and lost, I'd look pretty stupid. That's the risk of it all. Do it and pull it off and be freakin' awesome ... do it and I lose and look like a bafoon. Ahh, fantasy sports! What would I do without you?

Week 21: W - 327.17 to 248.58 ... W-L Record: 18-3 (first in division; first in league)

Week 21 Fantasy Stud: Kobe Bryant (LAL, G) - 59 FP's ... even with Wade healthy, Kobe's numbers would have been the best in the league.

Week 21 Fantasy Dud: Delonte West (BOS, G) - 18 FP's ... he's not going to be dropped, 'cause he can pick it up ... but he's definitely benched (for the said Devin Harris).

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Also, yesterday was our (J.H. and I) fantasy draft for baseball. Methinks the season starts next week or something ... at least that's when it says the first games are played (April 1st, Sunday).

In this league, there are 10 teams with 2 divisions. That's kinda good because last year for CBS SportsCrap, there were 12 teams, which made it slim pickin's in the free agency list. Again, we're doing everything through ESPN now (which makes me wonder why we never did before), so we're not too sure how they're scoring everything. As far as we know, we're going head-to-head in an every category league, which means to me that it puts how many HR's my guys had to how many HR's the opposing team had ... so forth with all the offensive categories.

By the way the boxscore looks, it looks as though there's 5 offensive categories for the position players and 5 for pitchers. But that makes 10. What if I win 5 and he wins 5? Are we going to have a lot of ties for the week? I'm not sure. I'll fill you in as soon as I know.

What I do know is our line-up as of right now (i.e., hopefully I get to make some free agent pick ups by next week). This year we had 7th pick. That's actually one of the lowest picks we've had. Usually we get no lower than 5th (i.e., this current basketball season) and have gotten the #1 pick a lot. No matter ... we still were fortunate enough to pick up Alex Rodriguez (NYY, 3B) (he went #3 last year). We also picked up reigning MVP of the AL Justin Morneau (MIN, 1B). The following is a list of our players. They're not listed in the order that we chose them (because I can't remember).

Team Name: V-Town The Moves (aka V.T.M.)

Players:

Catcher - Ivan "Pudge" Rodriguez (DET) ... 2nd year in a row with Pudge; solid batter.

1st Base - Justin Morneau (MIN) ... didn't know about him last year until he won MVP.

2nd Base - Robinson Cano (NYY) ... batted .342 last year and is getting better.

Shortstop - Julio Lugo (BOS) ... hopefully can get us some runs batting in the Red Sox line-up.

3rd Base - Alex Rodriguez (NYY) ... after an "off" year, we hope he's MVP ready again.

Outfield 1 - Jermaine Dye (CWS) ... 2nd year with Dye; hope he hits another 44 HR's.

Outfield 2 - Torii Hunter (MIN) ... nothin' flashy but hopefully can repeat solid year.

Outfield 3 - Raul Ibanez (SEA) ... not the most well known man, but 33 HR's and 123 RBI's from last year is making me optimistic.

Utility (DH) - Todd Helton (COL) ... hopefully has a bounce back year a la Jim Thome of '06.

Pitcher 1 - Carlos Zambrano (CHC) ... maybe new Cubs offense produces even more W's.

Pitcher 2 - Barry Zito (SF) ... we think the move to the NL will make Zito even better.

Pitcher 3 - Jason Schmidt (LAD) ... remember my 'Cent' about him? 'Nuff said.

Pitcher 4 - Dan Haren (OAK) ... in the words of J.H., "He's supposed to be good." What more do you need than that?

Pitcher 5 - Jonathan Papelbon (BOS) ... in Spanish, his last name means "bon of paper" ... he also had an ERA under 1.00 last year.

Pitcher 6 - Bobby Jenks (CWS) ... his 41 saves and 81 strikeouts from '06 has me giddy.

Bench

Mark DeRosa (CHC, 2B, 3B, OF) ... a late pick up of the FA list last year, we like him because he can fill many holes (eeww) in case of injury to 3 positions.

Russell Martin (LAD, C) ... supposed to have a really solid year, batting 6th for the playoff favored Dodgers ... great backup for Pudge or the Utility position.

Brad Penny (LAD, SP) ... after we picked him, we figured out he has a little flair up in his pitching shoulder ... we haven't heard if it's serious, though ... 2nd year on our team, was out best pitcher last year.

Josh Beckett (BOS, SP) ... don't know why he slipped this low ... was supposed to be the next ace for the Sox ... he's had a great spring training (which doesn't mean jack, I know ... but better than him sucking it up, right?).

DL

Pedro Martinez (NYM, SP) ... is supposed to come back in July or August ... can be an ace pitcher when healthy.

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We should have one more spot open (because the DL takes the place of an injured guy, which opens up one more spot on the bench). We're going for Jon Garland (CWS, SP) who won 18 games last year and was on our team before (another FA pick up). One more fool we're watching is Johnny Peralta (CLE, SS) who was mired in a season-long slump last year, but is figured to bounce back (we'll see 'bout that).

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Welp, that's today blog ... longer than the previews for a new movie. Check back this Friday and make sure you write your comments and questions by clicking the Comments link below or writing to HCP2007@gmail.com.

Oh, and P.S. ... the spell check button doesn't work, so if you find mistakes, my bad. C'mon, Google! Get wit' it!

HCP

Grab Bag Fridays: Push It To The Limit

(1 Cent): Food Poisoning = Bad Times

So, at the encouraging of someone, I decided to write a little more about my bout with food poisoning this last Sunday (the 18th).

Basically, at noon Sunday, I started feeling a little funny. I had less energy and my stomach started to feel a little funky. Then, funky turned to discomfort. Discomfort turned into uneasiness. Uneasiness turned into pain and queasiness.

Then, I stated to get a little warm, but had chills/shakes throughout my entire body. I thought to myself, "This is going to be problematic." I went to my bed, hoping to kind of rest it off. As time went by, things just started getting worse.

About 4 1/2 hours after I started feeling weird, I had reached the apex of the sickness (fill in the blanks as you please). I had called my friend C.W. over to bring me some Gatorade and Pedialyte and hoped and prayed for the best.

So, after the worst day and night in a long time (I woke up about 5 times that night), I awoke feeling a little better; my stomach wasn't queasy anymore nor did my body have aches, but I still was fatigued and felt hollow. Apparently you're not supposed to eat food right away, so that lead to 2-3 straight days of just Saltine crackers and Gatorade. Gourmet meals!

Yesterday, I started eating "regular" food again and went back to the gym. I feel pretty normalized now, although I still feel like something ain't right. Maybe it's just my body adjusting to normal food again, I don't know.

Since I was sick until now, I've been trying to figure out what the heck it was I ate to make me go towards the edge of death. The only two things that I can come up with is: bagged salad that was a day or two old and/or my bread that was a day or two old. I'm the guy that throws stuff away by the "sell buy" date. The one time I don't, I get hosed. I don't care if people make fun of me for doing so. Getting an extra slice of bread out of my loaf or another bowl of salad isn't worth what I went through.

Luckily, I only lost 3 pounds during the couple days I didn't eat. Actually, I don't know if that's a good thing. Oh, well. I'm good again and that's what counts. Right? Right???

(2 Cent): Dating Ideas?

I was searching what some good, unique dating ideas people had to offer on the Net ... and I came up with either the "cannon" for dates -- mini golf, bowling, movie, blah, blah, blah -- or some really, really weird things that people should never do in general, let alone on a date.

One Web site that was the most ridiculous to me was by something called Nottinghamshire.gov.uk (hey, I just Googled the words "date" and "idea" and it was one of the links). If these are the date ideas from the government of the United Kingdom, then I lost a lot of respect for Europe. Some of these things included (with my thoughts in parenthesis):

-- Adopting a dolphin together (are you kidding me?)

-- Walk the dog (and pick up the poop together!)

-- Give blood together (c'mon, son!)

-- Mud wrestling (hehe)

-- Play tig (WTF is tig?!?)

-- Mow the lawn, weed the garden (then get back on the truck with the other Mexicans)

-- Playfight (well, if you do these other ideas, there won't be anything playful about the fight)

-- Find a tree and climb it (then find a rock and slam your head into it)

-- Make daisy chains (uh ... no?)

And now ... for my favorite date idea ever ...

-- Find out your old photographs of you when you were little, and see whether or not you've changed (naw, I'm in my mid-20s and I'm still 2'7" and wear my Sesame Street bib when I drink my bottle. I mean, hell! You serious? Get pictures of when you were little and see if you've changed? You need a picture for that? If you need a picture for that, just walk yourself right into oncoming traffic holding a sparkler in each hand. This is a date idea? It's more like, 'if you don't ever want to go out with that person again, this is what you do' idea).

Needless to say, I'm going to go adopt a dolphin, then take it for a walk while I make my date mow my lawn and make me daisy chains. Ladies, you know you want to.

(1/2 Cent): It's Not Monday, But It's Gotta Be Said

I hate writing about sports on the "non-sports day" but what Kobe is doing has to be mentioned. I mean, he follows up his 65 and 50 with a cool 60 in a 121-119 win yesterday? Are you kidding me? It's like I'm controlling him in my video game ... it's sick!

He plays again tonight against the NO/OK Hornets and who knows? What if he does another 50-60 point game? Who's going to guard him that game? Desmond Mason? Rasual Butler? Please. The only man on the planet that can stop Kobe is Kobe. As long as we keep having Walton and Odom pass the ball brilliantly like they're doing, while having good screens from Kwame ... Kobe can do this all day.

To all those haters out there ... yes, he did this against the Blazers, T'Wolves and Grizzlies ... but if it's so easy, why isn't LeBron doing it? Why isn't Wade, Nash, Nowitzki or anyone doing it? Because they can't, that's why! If it's so easy, then those fools would be doing it. Plus, Kobe's doing this while shooting OVER 50%! He's not just chucking it up and taking bad shots -- he's taking shots within the offense AND making difficult shots. All the while, the entire team's defense is focused on stopping him. They know he's going to shoot and they still can't do anything about it.

People just need to put all the crap aside and enjoy the Kobe era ... it'll be awhile before we witness something like this again (unless LeBron James realizes he's bigger, faster and stronger than everyone who guards him at the SF position).

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Hope everyone has a great weekend ... and eats food that agrees with them! Write in comments and questions for next week's Grab Bag to HCP2007@gmail.com or click the Comments link below.

HCP

Spmusic Monday: I Make It Rain!

(1 Cent): Mamba In Attack Mode

If there was any debate on who the best basketball player in the world is, it was again settled this weekend. Kobe Bryant scored 65 points in an OT win over the Blazers, followed by 50 points in a victory over the Timbercubs. Basically, only one other human being that has played in the NBA has ever scored at least 60 points in one game, followed by 50 points in another. His name was Wilt Chamberlin ... and he was a 7'0" center. That's the list. Wilt and Kobe. Chew on that for a while ....

(Chew!)

Okay, so this is exactly what the Lakers (and my fantasy team) needed to have happen -- Kobe go back to '06 and just relentlessly destroy anyone and everyone in front of him. Fading away three-pointers, drives and dunks ... you name it. In fact, let's quote me: "The only thing I can look forward to is Kobe getting the green light from Phil to shoot as many times as he likes, which will hopefully inflate the Lakers' chances of winning ... while also making Kobe more valuable as a fantasy player." Wow, prophetic, eh? This is exactly what happened. I mean, if you have a player that can shoot 50% or over and give you 50+ points a game, why not use that? How many weapons are like that in the league? Or ever? Unleash the Mamba!

Furthermore, as Kobe explained when interviewed after the game, having Lamar Odom and Luke Walton back in the line-up helps ... something about having the other 2 guys that can actually play basketball makes the game easier. So, with them being great passers and just dangerous enough to score, it allows Kobe to operate better (i.e., they can't put 4 defenders on Kobe while leaving Kwame Brown, Mo Evans and Sasha Vujacic open). I know it was only victories over the Blazers and 'Wolves, but a win is a win.

Methinks if Kobe can keep this up -- say, he averages about 40 ppg and his team keeps winning -- then I don't see a reason why he couldn't be in the MVP discussion with Dirk Nowitzki and (stupidly) Steve Nash. I mean, isn't Kobe #1 in the league in scoring now, after this weekend? The answer is yes, he's now averaging 30.0 ppg. He's one of the only players in the league to be averaging at least 27 ppg, 5.5 rpg and 5.5 apg (along with LeBron James) -- Kobe's actually averaging 30.0 ppg, 5.7 rpg and 5.5 apg ... not to mention shooting .463 % from the field, .356 % from three point territory (while making 113 of them) and has 1.47 steals per game. He's been clutch, he's been a leader, he's often times been the only player to "show up" for games ... he's been the MVP. He should have won it last year. They can make things right and recognize Kobe this year.

(2 Cent): The List

My idea for the next couple of weeks is to make a list of my favorite/top producers in the Hip Hop industry. I was trying to think of some criteria to base the list upon, which should include: longevity, number of hits (old and current), how many other artists were influenced by the producer and creativity.

Based on that, I think I can come up with at least 10 producers ... and maybe even list some other ones that are up-and-coming. I would have started this today, but I don't feel like doing much research because I'm still recovering from yesterday's bout with food poisoning. Let's just say I was ready to meet my Maker and it was in the top 3 for most painful things I have ever experienced.

So, next Monday will be the first installment of the Top 10 List ... I'll try to do 2 producers per Monday.

(1/2 Cent): Where Was This Last Week?

So, I got back on track and started scoring again ... and lead the league in scoring for the 11th time. Why does my team suck it up against that stupid team that has beaten me twice? I don't understand it. I mean, 278 FP's last week? My team was averaging about 330 FP's for the season! I hate it.

Of course, Kobe helped out my team immensely with his monstrous weekend and makes losing Dwayne Wade a little easier to swallow. Plus, finally Richard Jefferson is back healthy and I can start him for this upcoming week. He had 29 FP's on my bench that I will gladly take in the starting line-up.

Week 20: W - 328.50 to 271.33 ... W-L Record: 17-3 (first in division; first in league)

Week 20 Fantasy Stud: Kobe "The Mamba" Bryant (LAL, G) - 62.67 FP's ... no, that's not a type-o ... Kobe's the truth!

Week 20 Fantasy Dud: Jason Hart (LAC, G) - 11 FP's ... he averaged 20 FP's last week and I thought he would be a good risk this week ... wrong! Yes, I dropped him off the team ... and yes, it makes Kobe's performance for the week that much more remarkable.

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I'm off to go get some chicken noodle soup or something. Food just sounds gross to me right now ... I guess food poisoning will do that to ya. What a way to kick off my birthday, huh? Check back this Friday ... write your comments and questions by clicking the Comments link below or writing to HCP2007@gmail.com.

HCP

Grab Bag Fridays: Iiiiiiii'm Juiced!

(1 Cent): I'm A Go Getta!

So, we got some responses and whatnot from the ol' e-mail and Comments link ... and it goes a little something like:

Q: "Sorry i know it's a long email but it's two different stories that i thought you could expound on. here it is." -- K-Yums

(HCP Note: Again, I'm not a big fan of the chain letter e-mails ... but this is different. I liked this.)

GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile soil.

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like America, well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like India, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like France, gently aging; but still warm and a desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all conquering past.

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Yugoslavia, lost some wars, won some great battles but haunted by past mistakes, still very strong and proud.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Russia, very wide and borders are now largely un-patrolled.

After 70, she becomes Tibet ... off the beaten path, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages ... still desirable but only to those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge and true love dare visit there.

GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN

Between 1 and 78, a man is like Iran - ruled by a d***.

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Q: "Yeah, Comcast does rule ... unless you also want to be able to use the Internet." -- Casey

HCP: Well, the Internet always worked for me because I had it through the cable ... I'm assuming (knowing?) that yours is wireless ... which means it probably sucks (i.e., satellite is basically wireless and it sucks). Believe me: you would choose Comcast cable TV and Internet over anything else that's available, especially Dish Network ... which works less than Gilbert Godfrey. Zing!

Q: "First off Casey doesn't know, he is a wangsta. Comcast is comcastic even if the Internet isn't as fast as he would like. He probably has a t3 connection where he can download teraFLOPS of porn every minute. That doesn't mean that the rest of us can't enjoy a connection with highly volatile connection speeds. Sorry we suck.

"Then regarding your [HCP] comment, "Concerning the third response ... uh, you're doing it free of charge? God bless you people! You're too good to me. Of course it's going to be free, foolios! It's not my fault! If I had to pay for another receiver because the first one stopped working ... oh sweet mother of all that's holy and good, there would've been big, big trouble (think: Rambo with the unlimited ammo code from GTA)." As one who has played a few minutes of GTA let me (well let us be honest I have played a lot of minutes) make sure if you find yourself in this situation again that you use the invincible code because they will shoot you and you will die. Also make sure you remember that jumping and drowning will also kill you.

"Well that's all I have to say about that." -- Nony

HCP: Ha ... teraflops ... that's real, right? Concerning finding myself in a GTA situation ... I'd be sure to have a vest on and to steal an ambulance and always have the rocket launcher active. I've seen good things come of this.

Q: "Nony here, just want to clarify that I'm not a hater. No offence Casey.

Secondly, I think it would be cool, that is to say it would be cool, if people with the capabilities (Huge TV’s, large rooms and video game consoles) had March Madness playoffs with their friends. I believe this has been tried a few times but that it is a relatively new concept which may take the nation, maybe even the world by storm. Image a world were people with the means create a method for them and their friends to compete in their own March Madness tournament. Is that not a beautiful image to hold in one's mind? Of course, I believe that there are people out there right now with the means of doing this all they have left to do is to call their friends and tell them when game time is." -- Nony

HCP: Wait a minute ... I have a semi-huge TV ... and large rooms ... and a video game console! Maybe I should have a March madness playoffs with my friends! You intrigue me, Nony ... you intrigue me ....

(2 Cent): Yeah, Sure Ya Do ...

I was talking with one of my friends the other day and he mentioned something that bothers him ... and you know what? It bothers me to. You know what really chaps my cheeks? People who name drop "famous" or popular people to make them seem important or cool.

You know what I'm talking about. "Yeah, so I was back in the hood chillin' and my friend Black Rob was all rappin' and stuff ...." Whatever. Okay, so you knew of someone that's kind of famous. And? Do you want people to be like, "Oh, you're so cool! You know [insert semi-famous name]? Wow, I'm so lucky to know you! You're awesome! I can't believe you know him/her! Will you be my friend? I need to roll with you!" Please.

If you have to mention other people so that the people around you will accept you, then you have some issues to work on. If people don't like you for who you are then get less cool friends or adopt a pet. I hear neutered, stray dogs aren't too picky with friends.

(1/2 Cent): Remember When ...

Some of you might remember when I talked about bombing that GRE for grad school (well, not bombed, but got higher in the quantitative (math) than the verbal). Well, yesterday in the mail I received the official scores along with the analytical writing section that I had to wait to be graded, because people had to actual read it and judge it. There were two writing questions and I guess they averaged them both? I don't know.

Guess what? I got a 5.5 out of 6 on that. To put that in perspective, according to the papers they sent me, the mean score for this is about a 4.3. Also, within the Humanities graduates the mean score was 4.7. So, 5.5 ain't to shabby, eh? I'm not a moron! This test says so!

For S & G, I wanted to show you what scores 6 and 5.5 are listed as containing: "Sustains insightful, in-depth analysis of complex ideas; develops and supports main points with logically compelling reasons and/or highly persuasive examples; is well focused and well organized; skillfully uses sentence variety and precise vocabulary to convey meaning effectively; demonstrates superior facility with sentence structure and language usage but may have minor errors that do not interfere with meaning."

It just makes me feel good. I was so down with the other portion of the test -- that was multiple choice -- that reading this allows me to put my head back up ... well, at least to a level position.

In conclusion, the GRE solidified (for me) that I absolutely suck at multiple choice and that I am capable of writing logically and can analyze and argue points persuasively. And no, you should not use this blog as an example ... this is way to informal.

I'm just glad that I didn't get a zero score: "The examinee's analytical writing skills cannot be evaluated because the responses do not address any part of the assigned tasks, are merely attempts to copy the assignments, are in a foreign language, or display only indecipherable text." To think, I almost used the word "horchata" in my example and tried to type "sd#lfiw4oejk" as my conclusion. Good call to avoid that, huh?

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This Monday the 19th is my birthday ... so I may or may not have a Spmusic Monday. Although, I really, really want to. I have -- what I think is -- a good idea for the music portion of that article and you want to know if I can get back to my winning ways for my fantasy league, right? Right?

Everyone have a good weekend and don't drink too much Guinness tomorrow for S.P.D.!

HCP

Spmusic Mondays: Stick A Fork In Me

(1 Cent): Things Getting Out Of Elbow ... Er ... Hand

What is up with the League getting all up in Kobe's business? Now they're investigating what happened on another "elbow" to Kyle Korver? It wasn't even an elbow, it was a normal 'I'm going to the basket, I'm getting your arms away with my arms' move. THERE WASN'T EVEN A FOUL CALL! Is this happening? Is David Stern (or whoever is in charge of this crap) that stupid?

First of all, the Lakers need Kobe (and a whole lot more). Why would he keep intentionally throw elbows and risk suspension? Second, there wasn't a foul call! Don't you think the refs -- who blow the whistle for fouls that sometimes don't even happen -- would've called it, in the moment? They can't wait to blow the whistle, yet there wasn't one called. Even Korver said afterward he didn't think it was a big deal (as did Ginobili and Jaric, the other two fools who were hit). Third, as many people have pointed out, where was all this hoopla when Karl Malone was in the league? Everyone associates Malone with elbows (and choking and losing). What about last year when Dikembe Mutumbo blasted LeBron in the face and he required a mask? It just doesn't make sense -- all of a sudden, Kobe is just going to start elbowing people? The only -- ONLY -- time I saw him intentionally hit someone with an elbow was last year, when he hit Mike Miller with an intentional elbow, but that was for retaliation from Miller's previous clothesline.

So, Kobe is just going off the deep-end, huh? He's fed up with losing and just taking it out on all the White defenders they put on him. Please. Is the League trying to make an example out of Kobe? Is the message they're trying to get out, "If we can suspend Kobe, we can suspend anyone, so beware?" There's no logical explanation for it.

Kobe is just a physical player. He's not a punk. He goes into traffic and is greeted by at least 3 people hacking, shoving, slapping, bumping, fouling, slamming and practically dry humping him to death. He now, like so many others in the league (LeBron, Wade, Carter, Arenas, etc.), tries to use his off arm as a guard ... and doesn't get a foul on the play, but gets fined and suspended days after the game is over because it was reviewed by people who are looking for something?

I mean, hell! It was even a "natural" basketball act (as they say the other arm movements weren't). What's going to be their excuse this time? I can't wait. If we're handing out suspensions and fines for games past, then go back and review LeBron's clothesline that nearly took Wade's head off -- I believe the move is actually called the "Clothesline From Hell" ... it was enough to make Stone Cold Steve Austin shudder with fear. Also, look into Bruce Bowen and his standing underneath players when their coming down from their jumpshot. So, standing under someone to sprain their ankle is a natural basketball act? What about when big guys get rebounds and throw their elbows around to "clear space?" That's a natural basketball act?

Believe me, if Kobe really wanted to, he could use all that building anger and aggression (from losing with his cast of D-Leaguers) and knock someone the eff out. But, that is not the case. In the first two cases, he was flailing his arms in an attempt to get a foul call. The most recent, he was driving to the lane and being "guarded" by Kyle Korver, who couldn't guard a lawn chair that was nail-gunned to the ground. It's part of the game, fools ... why are you acting like this is the first NBA game you've watched? Why are you making things out of nothing? Why are you not calling things the same around the league? And quit showing those stupid 'NBA Cares' commercials!

(2 Cent): Destroy The Dang Dish!

Okay, so in a little way, my problems with the Dish Network is related to movies and music ... because I can watch movies and listen to music with it ... at least, when it works!

For the past two weeks, I've been having my reception cut in and out (mostly out) and there isn't a dang thing the Dish customer service people could do about it, probably because they're reading off of their note cards and not addressing me and my concerns.

They always start off with, "Okay, before we begin, I would like to thank you for being a customer for 1 month and 18 days," or however long it's been. Then they read/say things like, "Well, first let's turn off the power button on the front of the receiver ..." and I'm always like, "I did that already -- 3 times exactly -- because that's what the recording said to do before talking with customer service." Then we go through the same stupid steps that don't work and I read them the same stupid stuff they ask for each time. I got tired of repeating myself and I said, "Well, isn't all this in your notes from the last times I've called?" Their response is, "Yes." So ... why the fuh are you asking me again? It's in front of your ugly face!

Basically, they said that they couldn't send a technician out because we had to try everything we could over the phone first. So the first 3 times, I got 3 different answers. I got, "Try [blah, blah, blah] and if it doesn't work, call us back." Then I got, "Dish Network is trying to send out new data software and if it hasn't uploaded to your unit yet, you just have to wait ... there's no time frame for when this will be done ... all we can say is 'sorry.'" Lastly, I got, "Well, it seems that there is a problem with your receiver, so we'll airmail you a new one by Wednesday, free of charge."

Okay, the first response is not too bad. The second response sounded like a bunch of rhetorical B.S., while also being a long euphemism for "you're screwed, tough ish." I mean, the only thing you can do is say 'sorry?' What is that about? How about giving me a month for free? You could do that for me. Saying sorry isn't being sorry. I'm the one feeling sorry ... I'm the one that's locked up for another 16 months with your lousy company and paying for a service that's not being rendered. Concerning the third response ... uh, you're doing it free of charge? God bless you people! You're too good to me. Of course it's going to be free, foolios! It's not my fault! If I had to pay for another receiver because the first one stopped working ... oh sweet mother of all that's holy and good, there would've been big, big trouble (think: Rambo with the unlimited ammo code from GTA).

So, I was trying to watch Van Wilder on TV (a great comedy, by the way ... Ryan Reynolds is vastly underrated in the comedy talent area) ... and trying to listen to some SIRUS radio ... and every 3 seconds the dish kept trying to acquire a signal ... then it said I have a problem with my "switch," whatever the poo that is ... then it said it has lost signal ... then kept trying to acquire it and so forth. Stupid.

I had Comcast before this crap and was way happy with them and their service. I never had stuff cutting in and out; the one time my box didn't work, they sent someone the next day to troubleshoot and hooked me up with a new box. Comcast actually is comcastic ... Dish sucks the big giant ogre wankie of doom.

(1/2 Cent): The Writing Was On The Wall

So ... there goes my luscious winning streak ... to the same fool who's beaten me before. And again, it wasn't by much (by about 2.5 FP's).

It comes down to my superstars ... if Bryant, Kidd and Stoudemire don't do well, it's all going to pot because they have to make up for Wade's 48 FP average. Bryant kept his numbers up while Kidd had a very human 27 FP's, while Stoudemire put up a stinker of a week with 24 FP's.

I can't have excuses ... I lost. I need to somehow find a gem in the free agency list and not have them drag the team down. Hopefully I won't have another week where Kidd and Stoudemire go M.I.A. ... cuz if this happens in 3 weeks (when the playoffs start) ... then it's another season lost to injury (6 years and counting).

Week 19: L - 280.67 to 278.08 ... W-L Record: 16-3 (first in division; first in league)

Week 19 Fantasy Stud: Kobe Bryant (LAL, G) - 48.33 FP's

Week 19 Fantasy Dud: Delonte West (BOS, G) - 19 FP's ... in his defense, he's on the Celtics with Doc Rivers in full "Oden/Durant" tank mode ....

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In related news, you know what I read from the Sports Guy's (Bill Simmmons') blog the other day? He received a link from someone showing that Jostens -- the company that makes high school class rings and whatnot -- now makes a fantasy league championship ring! Is that not the greatest invention that this decade has to offer? Here's a link to the majestic piece:

http://www.jostens.com/sports/fan_sports/index.asp

Now there's even more pressure on myself to win ... not for the money, not for the pride ... but for the ring! It's probably illegal to have this much fun (well, at least in some parts of Africa).

Write in comments or questions to HCP2007@gmail.com or click the Comments link below. Until this Friday (where I should have a post) ....

HCP

Delayed ...

Hectic Friday ... blog will return Monday ....


HCP

Spmusic Mondays: Is It 2008 yet?

(1 Cent): Odom, Along With Lakers' Chances, Gone

The Lakers season keeps getting me more and more depressed. Not only has Luke Walton been out for way too long but Odom gets injured again, tearing something in his shoulder.

I mean, look at the Lakers now. They have their #2 and #3 options out with injuries (said players), our 'high profile' free agent acquisition of Vladimir "I Slipped In Park City, Utah" Radmaovic is also injured and are going to war with 19 year old Andrew Bynum, a one-dimensional player (shooter) in Brian Cook, a second-string point guard as the starter in Smush Parker, Kwame Brown ('nuff said), Maurice Evans who's semi-solid but too inconsistent to rely on day in and day out and a couple of other players who shouldn't be getting much burn as it is ... all this around the greatest player in the NBA, Kobe Bryant.

Look. It was going to be tough enough for LA to make it to the playoffs fully healthy. Now? Without Odom for probably the rest of the season and Luke Walton, who no one knows when he'll be back, we're looking at the 8th seed and being the first victim to Dallas' rampage. The only way for the Lakers to be competitive again is for Kobe to turn back the clock to last year and gun it ... he's gotta average 35 ppg again and shoot like he's their only player (which, in reality, he is).

This is depressing. The season started off with a lot of hope and injuries have decimated a lot of it. I can only imagine what Kobe is thinking to himself as he steps on the court. Probably things like, "Fuh. I'm triple teamed and I have to pass it to Sasha Vujacic or Shammond Williams? Wait, when did Williams get on the team? What the ... where am I? Did I get portaled to the NBDL? Eff it, I'm shootin' this. Get ready for some Mamba juice!"

The only thing I can look forward to is Kobe getting the green light from Phil to shoot as many times as he likes, which will hopefully inflate the Lakers' chances of winning ... while also making Kobe more valuable as a fantasy player. This is what I think about in the wee hours of the night.

(2 Cent): Movie Binge

So, I haven't seen any really "new" movies lately ... but did happen to rent a couple of comedies and saw another one at our dollar theater.

The two rentals were You, Me and Dupree and My Super-Ex Girlfriend (yes, it was a night with the Wilson family). Not really too much to say about either ... both were funny in their own ways, both had corny parts. I'd rate Y.M.&D. a little higher, probably about a 5.5 with M.S.E.G. at about a 5 ... they were average, had scenes that busted me up but nothing on the level of a Wedding Crashers or 40 Year Old Virgin.

As for the dollar theater feature, I saw Casino Royale, the new 007 James Bond movie. It was entertaining, but I couldn't get used of the new actor. Pierce was Bond. This dude, although ripped, doesn't feel like a Bond. He doesn't seem that smooth ... he doesn't have, in the words of Randolph Dupree, that "Bondness." That doesn't entirely take away from the plot and action, which is good. I'd give this a 6.5.

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Unfortunately, I haven't come across any other CD's that I'd like to buy ... but have been listening to Sirius satellite radio (because it comes with my Dish Network subscription) and have been really feelin' these singles (in no particular order):

Artist: "Title of Single"

- Omarion: "Ice Box"
- Young Jeezy (Featuring R. Kelly): "Go Getta"
- Pretty Ricky: "On The Hotline"
- Fat Joe (Featuring Lil' Wayne): "Make It Rain"

(Yes, I realize some of these -- if not all -- have been out for a while ... but I still likes 'em).

(1/2 Cent): No Wade, No Problem

So, week 1 in L.A.W. (Life After Wade) has not been too bad. Still scored the most points in the league this week, but not by much. Smush Parker, after a very promising game last Monday against Utah (you know, the game I was at where Smush nailed six 3 pointers) licked it up the rest of the week. As I'm sure Phil Jackson wants to do, I dropped him.

Reports are that Wade is thinking about rehabbing his injury and should be back in time for the playoffs ... which means he's basically done for the fantasy season (since the fantasy season, including playoffs, ends 2 weeks before the real NBA season). I'm still keeping him on the bench, just in case of some weird comeback ... but I'm counting him out 99.9%.

Also, as I said in 'Cent 1', Odom's injury opens the door for Kobe to make Arenas seem passive, which I will hope to result in boosted fantasy points for yours truly.

In other fantasy player news, it seems that someone finally gave Stephon Marbury the memo that he used to be a great player and has been playing as such. The injury to Knicks combo guard Jammal (Jamaal?) Crawford means that he had to step up and step up he has. Starbury averaged over 43 fantasy points (FP's) last week which means ... that too should help ease the pain of Wade being out.

Either way, I'm trying to plug holes faster than Ron Jeremy in Vegas with free agents ... just dropped Smush for Brian Cook (LAL, F) because of Odom's injury -- Cookie had 22 points and 14 boards yesterday against the Suns. Methinks he'll be forced into the #2 option because he is our best big man shooter and is our 2nd best 3 point threat. With Smush putting up less than 15 FP's last week, I figured it couldn't hurt (much more).

I'm also starting Darko "The Human Victory Cigar" Milicic in place of Chris Wilcox this week, as D-Mili scored a little more (about 4 FP's higher) and is on a playoff hopeful team, as the Sonics are battling for Oden/Durant. Hey, my reasoning makes sense to me.

This game (week), I'm playing the 2nd best team in the league (record-wise, 3rd best in scoring). I think he'll be my greatest competition, but he actually lost last week (I think he was on an 8 game winning streak before that). If I can win this game, the last 3 games (weeks) will be easy, easy wins. Fingers crossed.

Week 18: W - 335.58 to 205.08 ... W-L Record: 16-2 (first in division, first in league ... 13 game winning streak)

Week 18 Fantasy Stud: Kobe Bryant (LAL, G): 49.33 FP's

Week 18 Fantasy Dud: Smush Parker (LAL, G): 14.67 FP's ... are you seeing the distance between his stats and Kobe's? Ugh. At least give me an average 25 FP's, Smush. Is that too much to ask? Again, he was dropped off the team faster than Anna Nicole Smith O.D.'ing (too soon? It was too soon, wasn't it?).

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Hope everyone's work/school week isn't too difficult to get through. Write in comments or questions to HCP2007@gmail.com or click the Comments link below. 'Til Friday ...

HCP

Grab Bag Fridays: Laugh At Me!

(1 Cent): Who's Funnier?

I was having a discussion the other day with a friend of mine about how we both thought that male comedians (and actors, I suppose) are funnier than female comedians.

The reasons for this weren't really discussed but I wanted to brainstorm here in this 'cent.' Why are the guys funnier? Is it because of that old stereotype of a "man's world?" Is it because there is a greater number of males in the comedy industry and, hence, there is a greater number of male comedians that "make it?"

I mean, I can rattle off a ton of guy comedians and actors (or show hosts) that I think are hilarious in their own form: Vince Vaughn, Dave Chappelle, Jim Carey, Will Ferrell, Steve Carell, Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Chris Tucker, Adam Sandler, Sacha Baron Cohen, David Spade, Jerry Sienfield, Conan O'Brien, Rainn Wilson, Bill Murray ... blah, blah, blah. For the ladies? For me, only two come to mind: Wanda Sykes and Kerri Kenney (Reno 911) -- and Kerri I had to Google to find her name. That's basically it for me.

Even if you could think of more female people that you thought were funny, the numbers compared to the male would be less, right?

In "real life" this seems to be the case as well ... there are only a few genuinely funny girls that I know, while my guy friends seem to be overall more comedic. Again, don't know why, but I'm just saying.

Don't get me wrong ladies ... we guys love ya ... but just don't try too hard to be funny like Sara Silverman, cuz it just won't work.

(2 Cent): Pet Peeve: Leave My Penis Alone!

You know what really chaps my cheeks? All the freakin' spam mail I get from fools wanting to increase my penis size.

I mean, who says I need that shtuff? I get like 10-20 of those things a day. How many pills does one dude actually need? Where do these people get the audacity to think I need to add to it, huh? Whoever is sending this stuff out, you're offending me and my lil' buddy ... just give it up.

Uh ... couldn't really expound on this pet peeve ... it is what it is.

(1/2 Cent): Ballin'!

Let's hope that my (real life) basketball team doesn't suck the giant ogre wankie of doom (GOWOD) tonight ... but in reality, we probably will. The team was basically assembled for "fun" -- which apparently means sometimes running up and down the court, never playing defense and shooting whenever and where ever they please.

So, I had a talk with one of the teammates the other day ... and I've been given the green light to go Kobe '06 tonight (i.e., shoot whenever I can because the percentage of me making a shot is a lot greater than if someone else on the team shot it ... even if my percentage will be 33%). I think I'll go for 81 points tonight ... although my season high is 17 and the most points we scored as a team was about 40. Our record is 2-5 ... the last regular season game is tonight and then the playoff tournament is tomorrow. This isn't like my softball team, where I thought we sucked and then we didn't and then we made it to the championship game ... I think we suck and we do suck and we won't make it passed the first round ... but like Flattop in the movie Dick Tracy, I'm going down shooting!

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Thanks for reading ... catch everyone on Monday. Have a great weekend and be sure to write in you comments and questions to HCP2007@gmail.com or click on the Comments link below!

HCP